Saturday, December 31, 2011

A Little Too Late-Toby Keith

This song just came across my Pandora station, and hit me just right. When I went to look it up on Youtube for the link, the video gave me a much needed giggle. So, dear reader, I hope you can enjoy one or both aspects of the song like I did....


It’s a little too late
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of this hangin’ on
So I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It’s got a little too sad
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late

No I don’t want to want to talk about what we can do about us anymore
Only time you and me wastin’ is the time it takes to walk right out that door
Yeah talk about water under the bridge,
You should know by now girl that’s all this is

It’s a little too late,
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of just hangin’ on
I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It’s got a little too sad,
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late

There was a time,
this heart of mine,
would take you back every time
don’t you know
It’s been two packs of cigaretts
a sleepless night
a nervous wreck, a day ago.
Now you ain’t got no business coming around
I’m closing up shop
Shuttin’ us down

It’s a little too late,
I’m a little too gone,
A little too tired of just hangin’ on
I’m letting go while I’m still strong enough to
It’s got a little too sad,
I’m a little too blue
It’s a little too bad
You were too good to be true
I’m big time over you baby
It’s a little too late
I’m big time over you baby,
It’s a little too late

How are you planning on ringing in the New Year?

With a slightly defective car, my plans aren't very exciting. Actually, they're kind of absent- I plan on maybe watching a bit of TV, cleaning house, and going to bed like any other night.

I was wondering what's on everyone else's agenda? Is it like mine, quiet and at home? Drunken debauchery? Somewhere in the middle?

Inspiration for the New Year

My Facebook status from earlier: "is about to throw out what is wasteful and abandon unsuccessful situations, replacing them with something more solid and useful... Including both material and immaterial things. (Perfect time to be inspired for such a movement, with the new year tomorrow!)"

This year was something else, especially relationship-wise. Certain people that I was sure would move on, (and I was told by others that it was inevitable,) haven't. At the same time, people I thought I was close to and didn't foresee an ending or fading from have gone down other paths in life-ranging from moving cross country to having new babies to new relationships. Not really any one's fault, per se', but these changes tend to affect people and the way they can spend their time and attention. Which is totally understandable and I'm happy for my friends and the new opportunities coming their way, but also saddened by the fact of the distance and lacking closeness.

This year did bring about a few surprising developments in friendships, from closeness with people I've known for years casually to awesome friends that I've made just in the last year.

I think one of my New Year's resolutions is to let go of my hopes for remaining as close to some people as I've been in the past when my efforts aren't returned and instead, spend my energy building my friendships of those in my life's present day. Not to say that I'll cut them out of my life entirely-but that I should stop living in the past and look ahead to the future and where things are now.

Really, I guess it just comes down to that I'm done bending over backwards to keep certain people in my life. It comes down to one simple truth...either I matter to them or I don't. And the last six months have really helped to show me which category most of my friend's and acquaintances fall into.

I wish all of my friends, family, acquaintances and blog readers a Happy New Year, and that you can accomplish everything you want and have the best time of your life!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Six months, yes I know, I know

I had just about given up on getting back into this blog! For the life of me, I couldn't remember my password or email that I used. My computer just decided to have my signon ready for me today, when it hasn't any other day.. weird. I swear, electronics have minds of their own!

Anyway, six months but not much all has changed, I don't think. I'll have to sit down and update with what's going on now. Maybe more has changed than meets the eye? I guess you (and I!) will find out together..

Friday, June 17, 2011

Over-excitement with a touch of OCD?

Perhaps I was a little preemptive in my excitement of finally getting new flooring. Two weeks and counting for our family friend to even have enough time to come give us an estimate on how much flooring we need to buy, and how much it's going to cost to put it in. In my way over-excited anticipation, I've had most of the small things that would be in the way of such a project packed up for just as long.

Unfortunately, the mess that has resulted from this was really brought to my attention today and spurred a cleaning frenzy for me tonight.

See, usually I have most of the house dusted, cleaned, uncluttered and sparkly pretty almost everyday. Not so much earlier, when I spontaneously came home on my lunch break with a friend to hang out for a bit. He said it was fine, that he'd seen messier houses, but I personally hope he gives me a second chance to make a first impression! lol

Oh well, at least he liked the artwork I have up on my walls!

Now, if you excuse me dear reader, I've been cleaning for about two and a half hours now, and have lots more I want to do tonight before I get any sleepier!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Soft lips and blood thirsty tilllers

Well, it's been a day for sure!

I got into a fight with my lawn tiller. Long story, short- I prevented it from falling into my mother's head, but got it myself. I call it a draw though, because nothing was sliced open-I just got a nice inch wide by five inch bruise and swelling on my leg.

VERY long day.. even though I didn't work, I came home from staying over in Williamsburg with Nick at a friend's place, went to the library, went to the doctor (I can hear again, I can hear again! yay!), did things around the house, and have been trying to get sleepy enough to fall asleep for the last hour-ish.

And the highlight of my day might make some (okay, most if not all) of my readers question my sanity. Really, if you don't do that already, you may have issues yourself! Can you believe that the highlight was buying myself a new carmex? I swear, I must be addicted to the stuff or something, I know I have three or four different ones floating around, but haven't been able to find them for a few days, so I got another one. And guess what I found not two hours after I did that? Not one, but two lip balms. Figures, huh?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Ten things I want..

I must say, this is the first time that I've been inspired by Twitter for a blog entry!

Instead of 10 separate tweets to fulfill this tag, I just thought I'd do an umbrella blog!

In no particular order:

1.) Endless supply of margaritas
2.) A man that treats me right, who does what he can to fulfill my needs and desires-even if there's only irregular opportunities for it..
3.) A life-time pass to Burger King and their oh-so-delicious Whoppers and onion rings!
4.) For people to stop criticizing my weight, one moment I'm too skinny, the next I'm gaining too much! AUGH!
5.) A kiss that takes my breath away.
6.) Fewer health problems
7.) A job that doesn't feel like a job
8.) To be free of my OCD and anxieties
9.) My friends and family to be happy and healthy and achieve all that they want in life
10.) The ability to mute annoying chick-chatter and to knock some non-deserving men's egos down a few notches.

Too much crap!

Do you ever just look around and all of a sudden just think to yourself, 'Jeezus, I just have too much basic crap around my house! Dumpster, please!'

Or is that just me?

I weed out my stuff at least twice a year, and don't buy much in the way of 'extras' or dust-collectors but I keep feeling suffocated by my stuff.

I think I'm off to take an hour tossing and purging, maybe feel better? I shall update with the final toll of what dent I have made and to where it's final destination shall be..

Thursday, May 26, 2011

30 Things you may or may not know about me..

1.)Music isn't just a hobby for me, it's the force of life

2.)I don't believe that we were supposed to have monogamous relationships

3.)If we do have soul mates, I truly believe I met him in the last few years, but he is already taken

4.)I've really been a life-long Michael Jackson fan, learning Thriller before I could even put together full sentences

5.)I've shown major signs of trichotillomania since the third grade

6.)I have severe anxiety, especially concerning leaving the house

7.)I have CNA training

8.)I think a BK Whopper meal is the perfect dinner (or lunch..or breakfast)

9.)Jason Michael Carroll's voice makes me melt

10.)Too much milk products makes me sick :-(

11.)I love, love, LOVE the water. I love showers, I love the rain, I love the beach.

12.)An ex-boyfriend used to refer to me as his 'water princess'.

13.)I'm a HUGE Jackass fan. I can't decide which dude I like best- Knoxville, Steve-O or Bam.

14.)I don't currently have a favorite color-I do like red, also purple, and green...

15.)I HATE the color blue!

16.)I've worked at the same Wal-mart for going on nine years

17.)I love my friends, adore who I date. There's one exception, but it's not meant to be.

18.)I'm working (slowly) on a book/novelette

19.)M*A*S*H is my all-time favorite TV show

20.)'Enter Sandman' makes me feel all warm inside

21.)Music is like breathing to me

22.)I have a nice electric guitar, but no clue how to play it as of yet :-(

23.)I've been best friends with Jenn for almnost twenty-one years, I've known Josh for just a little bit longer than that.

24.)I almost moved to Texas and got married at age twenty, thank god THAT didn't work out!

25.)Usually can't stand ego-stroking people, there's only the rare few that I will do it for.

26.)I miss playing the flute.

27.)I can't cook to save my life-and I can't even make jello!

28.)I love the little gestures people do waaayyy more than extravagant ones.

29.)I have to fall asleep on my side curled up with either my head on Nick's shoulder or with my hand under my pillow and head.

30.)I have been trying to gain weight since high school (graduated weighing 92 pounds-now at 122).

*and a bonus.. I'm a sucker for anything '80's. The music was awesome and I even love the fashion!*

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Eighteen

A picture of your favorite book


I've pretty much worn through my copy, I've read it countless times since I came across it years ago. LOVE IT!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Seventeen

A picture of something you wish you were better at


Balancing...well, everything!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Sixteen

A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel


My mom lived there for a few years in the early-mid seventies. Over thirty years later, and she still has a large streak of Southern embedded in her. I'd love to go visit where there's loads of history and culture, and see what it is all about as a place in our nation's history.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Fifteen

A picture of your biggest insecurity

Yes. Everything I see of myself falls into that category, just depends on the day what and how much of it I don't feel good about.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Fourteen

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Karaoke. Yes, I said karaoke..(or wrote for those literal folks out there.)

I'm slowly becoming less painfully shy, and am actually using it to work on singing my favorite songs better.

Not crazy, I promise! (Actually, I'd never promise any such thing!)

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Thirteen

Day Thirteen: A picture of something you want to do before you're thirty.. Road trip with friends with no predetermined destination!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Twelve

A picture of your favorite band or artist;

This entry is late, because I couldn't decide on just ONE favorite band over all, let alone out of my favorite local bands! So, Metallica was it for mainstream, and here's one of my favorite local bands.. you should really check out Insanguine ;-)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Like Sheets in The Wind

I was just hit with a random thing that caught me totally off guard. (hence, random.)

I just started a book from my library pile, (which is on my 30/30 list, but that's another entry, another day.) This one is Animal Farm by George Orwell, and was on my (and probably everyone else's,) middle school reading list.

The first page was a summary of his life. One page. Nothing more, nothing less. And the thing that struck me is, how a life could be summarized in just a single sheet of paper, from birth to death. Someday that might be all that survives to tell of the person that lived, breathed and occupied a place on this planet for half a decade. How very sad.

And worse, what about the people who never warrant the opportunity for any kind of written history of their presence? All those stories, events, lessons learned.. scattered to the wind to be forgotten about? Although, how can you forget something that was never tangible?

The Pivotal Point Between 'Like' and 'Love'

Okay. I've been thinking about relationships, and love. The latter, as you may recall, I am not in a believing state of right now.

More specifically, I've been wondering about what makes a person go from 'liking' someone to 'loving' them? I know it's not a conscious decision or, dear lord, shouldn't be, but what mentally 'clicks' and makes the leap?

Like, my ex-fiance. Nope, never did love him. I think the whole, 'Dating a month, he gives me a promise three months he tries giving me an engagement ring (which I managed to refuse for at least a year..), going psychotic and stalking me when I tried breaking it off, yeah that didn't lend well to the cause.

Or the guy I dated before that, which was the complete opposite for me. I had just started working at Wal-Mart. He was an unloader, who I kinda flirted with back and forth with for a little while. Then, I remember it pretty clearly, (scary how so, really,). I was looking at the schedule board after a break, and he came up to me and said, "You know, I've not done this before, but would you like to have dinner this weekend?"

Knowing him since, I totally call b.s. on this one (not doing it before), but I didn't know any better then! Anyway..

A couple months later, we were dating. We went to break together. After break, when we were going in two different directions to work, I wasn't thinking about anything consciously, when I said, "Love you, later!"

And we BOTH stopped in our tracks. Me, because apparently something went haywire in my brain and him, because well, that's obvious. He asked, "What did you just say?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I should go to work now.." I tried to just move on from that.. but he wouldn't let me for a few minutes.. evil, evil bastard had too much fun with it. Fast forward a bit of dating history, and..

Anyway, all's well that ends well, I suppose. We're friends now, and it's kind of scary he's evolved into a married family guy.. totally at odds with what I knew him as in the beginning!

Now, back from memory lane to the topic at hand. How does it work for you? Do you sit down and think about things? Do you just follow your heart and exclude your brain?

Are you like me, and don't let yourself believe in it? Or are you the total opposite, and fall right away?

I'm so very curious, and people fascinate me. I'd love your input, dear friends!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Eleven

A picture of something you love.. Dear readers, meet my adorable, little fluff ball Cloud!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Ten

Day Ten: A picture of something you hate

(Story will come sometime by the end of Wednesday, short on time right now :-) )

April 28th, 2011
11:06 a.m.

My lovely readers, please forgive me for not meeting my own deadline on giving the story as to why I can't STAND this disgusting fruit. It actually would've been even later before you got the lowdown, but a lovely friend sent me a cute message on Facebook about it, so it here it goes:

It was the the late '80's, and I was probably five-ish. My mom worked at the U of I, so before school I went to a babysitter down the hall. Her name was Bernice and she wasn't really all that fun that I can remember. What I do remember is she would make me a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and would always chop up a LOT of bananas for it.

I either didn't have much penchant for them already, or I got banana overload, but this quickly fell into my 'no way, not happening' list. You know, or whatever little kids call it.

I don't know if many parents/caregivers do it anymore, but this was still the age of, "Eat everything on your plate, or you're not getting up from the table." Apparently I was a bit crafty and/or she was a bit slow in catching on, for after awhile, I started dumping my bowl of yucky cereal and mushy bananas into the cookie jar in the middle of the kitchen table while she was watching TV in the living room.

And to this day, I can't even stand the smell of the disgusting things. Bleeechhhhh!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Nine

A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

I do believe Jen could qualify for or be somehow related to many of the entries that will compose this challenge! <3 you lady!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Teardrops On My Guitar-Taylor Swift

"...She better hold him tight/Give him all her love/Look in those beautiful eyes/And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar/The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star/He's the song in the car I keep singing/Don't know why I do..."

Photo Challenge: Day Eight

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most....

There's a small handful of people I could put, but hubby's been there for me for a great deal of things in just the year that we've known each other--and I love the pic lol

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Seven

A picture of your most treasured item

I have a few, but this ranks high on the list. It's the only actual heirloom I have from my grandmother who passed away when I was ten.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Six

A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Okay, so yet another entry where I have two answers. The first one is a real life person, a great friend of mine, Meredith. She's been so many places, making such a great place for herself in life and just is a totally awesome and wonderful person.

and the other is Dharma from 'Dharma and Greg'. I've known people like her, and I just would love to be able to live that carefree and stuff. And plus, she is tres' adorable!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Five

A picture of your favorite memory


Hands down, one of my top favorite memories was when Josh and I FINALLY got to have a reunion last summer after far too long of not seeing each other!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Four

A picture of your favorite night


ooohh... I would have to say last August when Jen and I celebrated our birthdays at Studio 13 and Jaclynn and hubby came as well :-)

Even the voices in my head think I'm crazy!

This was actual inner dialogue I caught myself having earlier today right after I got to work:


"My OCD is making me crazy!"

"No, my OCD is WHY I'm crazy."

"Actually... talking to myself about my OCD and being crazy is what would classify myself as crazy."


Isn't that just 'crazy'..? Does anyone else think in complete sentences, much like J.D. on Scrubs? Or is it just me?

Losing my grip...

So, yeah. I'm totally losing it. And not even in the fun way, where I get to see pink unicorns and blue elephants chasing a monkey across a rainbow. Although, that would be slightly interesting, and would score me a white coat and a enjoyable bouncy room.

No, no.. this is quite the boring and anticlimactic way. Like, where every dish has to be put 'just right' into the dishwasher. And I can't have piles of ANYTHING anywhere to deal with later. And I have to 'count' my way out of the house every morning, alphabeticalize everything with a title, color coordinate everything in my closet.. etc, etc.

Yes, it's the grand development of OCD. I think people believe I am joking when I say I have it, or think I am exaggerating about things I honestly believe I have to do. Like the walking through every room in the house, making sure everything is in it's place and there's nothing hot left on and nothing small left where it could possibly get into puppy's reach. I just realized that's actually my mantra as I do my walk through before I leave everyday~ "Nothing hot, nothing small...nothing hot, nothing small..."

Which got me thinking. Looking back, (hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?), I can see the progression. Just maybe five, six, maybe seven years ago, I remember just having to check to make sure the stovetop was off and that was that. I never was bothered by a (very) messy living quarters, piles of stuff everywhere, and so on. But, just tonight, I was eating a plate of spaghetti while I was watching Scrubs. And I managed to knock the plate onto the floor and dump my food. I think most people would just clean up the spaghetti and that would be done. No, I cleaned up the spaghetti, and then noticed I had accumulated stuff on my dresser. I straightened that up and then proceeded to clean the entire room until everything was in it's precise, designated position. And then, when I took my dishes to the kitchen, started cleaning the counters until I forced myself to say, 'No, it's one o'clock in the morning. This can wait until tomorrow.'

And, it's become a rapid progression as of late. Earlier this year, I had had enough of my anxiety attacks, and went to the doctor. She prescribed something for them and said it would also help with my OCD symptoms as well,

Boy, was she ever wrong. My anxiety behaviors grew ten times worse, my trichotillomania came back active full force, and my OCD has skyrocketed.

I did stop the medicine just about a month in. But it's not making anything go back to 'normal'. Which scares me.

If I've gotten this, 'precise' for lack of a better word by the time I'm in my mid-twenties... what could it possibly be like for me when I'm thirty? Heck with that, what about in a year?

Dear readers, do any of you deal with this? Do you have any decent suggestions for me? Do you think I'm losing it? Any constructive criticism you have, I'll gladly listen...

Now, I'm going to go to bed before I think of something else that I HAVE to check or clean.. hope you all are having a good morning/day/night... which ever applies as you are reading this.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Three

A picture of the cast from your favorite show...

I can't decide between two of my favorite shows for my ultimate favorite, so here's both!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day Two

A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest..

That would be Jen. We've stayed friends, through thick and thin, since the 3rd grade. Above is one the oldest pics that I still have of us, below is the newest one. :-)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Photo Challenge: Day One

A picture of yourself with ten (lesser known) facts:

(I had the urge to use the oldest (non-school) pic I had :P

1.) I LOVE horror movies, but I can't bring myself to watch them alone!

2.) Riding on that fact, I first saw IT (by myself) when I was six or, even to this day, every time I walk by a storm drain I half expect to see balloons in it..

3.) I have a REALLY large personal bubble, and have come close to decking quite a few people at work for coming up behind me without any warning. (Though, how satisfying that would be to do that to some of them!)

4.) I adore who I date, and love my friends. (It may usually be the other way around for most people, but friends will typically be around a lot longer, so less heart breaking going on this way.)

5.) I can't cook worth a darn. Seriously. I even mess up Jello!

6.) I'd rather take a spontaneous Burger King/Bowling date over a fancy dinner and movie.

7.) If you think any of my behaviors could be called eccentric, annoying or just weird, perhaps they are linked to my OCD and anxiety attacks?

8.) I am a huge romantic.

9.) I work at the same place I did after high school. Eight and a half years later, I believe they have my soul.

10.) I am a music junkie. I can not get enough of it. Records, CDS, cassette, iTunes.. seriously. It's one of the only things that can be universally shared, understood and enjoyed by everyone.

30 day photo challenge

Okay, I just woke up this morning thinking that I'm totally going to do this.

I don't know why today of all days, I hadn't read about it or seen in being done for awhile. My brain just decided while I was passed out from exhaustion that I need to do it. And so, here I go.. (Each entry for it will be titled in such a way that you dear reader, will be able to tell 'regular' entries from them; Since I don't know if there's a way to automatically separate them.)

I'm also doing this on Facebook, like it's intended, but here I may extend on my answers or give more personal ones. I'm not for sure yet.

In any case, I hope you enjoy!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Exercise Regimes

Hey everyone.. I just wanted to ask around about what exercise routines everyone is engaged in, and what works for you.

I never had to 'actually' exercise before, I used to be able to eat and eat, and burn every single calorie off. Uh, yeah..not anymore. Truth be told, I've gained like 15 pounds in the last year, and even though most of you will be like,'You're tiny, you don't need to lose anything...." shut up! (In the nicest way possible, of course!)

My favorite jeans won't even get halfway on anymore, so there's where I draw the line!

There's no way I'm getting back into my bikini again, unless I lose this tummy... so what suggestions do you all have for me.. and be a LITTLE serious please :P (I love you guys, and your jokester ways.. but sometimes I need real input too ;-) )

Also, I can't do heavy weights, because of my back problems, so that sort of thing is out...

Thank you guys so much :-)

Friday, April 8, 2011

The lost has been found!


After two days, my lost car keys have made their way back to my possession! Yay! *insert happy dance here*

I asked one of my friends, who is a CSM, if she could look in the front office to see if they were turned in yet. And a little while later, she came to my counter with them in her hand! The kicker? They were put in the 'regular' lost and found, instead of the office where keys and other 'personal' stuff goes. So they could have been there pretty much all along and our seperation could have been much shorter. Grrrr!

But, all's well that ends well, I suppose! They are mine again! And even better, I have Nick's key back again. He JUST gave it to me a couple weeks ago, and I was feeling horrible that I had lost it. This is the first time that I've actually lost them, usually I find myself *almost* losing them but realizing it before it actually happens.

So, yeah. *happy dancing still* Awesome! And now, I must lay down and try to crash so I can be at work in eight hours..

Thursday, April 7, 2011

30/30 List

Okay, so I've been reading a lot on this 'new' idea of having a bucket list of sorts for things that you would like to accomplish before you turn thirty. And since my way of just drifting along in life doesn't seem to be accomplishing things well enough, I thought I'd give myself the task of creating and seeing what I can motivate myself to doing. So here is what I came up with:

1.) Learn Spanish

2.) Take and successfully complete the Administrative Assistant program from Stratford Career Institute

3.) Using that experience, getting out of Wally-World for once and all. Being there eight years, and it being the job I got right out of high school does seem like of sad-like.

4.) Attend three 'mainstream' concerts

5.) See the Titanic exhibit. (Which is currently here in Iowa this year, so this is the year!)

6.) Learn guitar

7.) Write (and complete) my book

8.) Go whitewater rafting

9.) Take a road trip with a couple of friends

10.) Attend my class reunion (2012)

11.) Lose my tummy and get nice abs and toned all around (and keep it that way)

12.)Read 50 books a year. (I'm not for sure the best way for keeping a record on this..)

13.) Read all the books on the 'banned' list

14.) Go skiing

15.) Complete my Stephen King collection

16.) Make all of my family photos digital

17.) Go camping at least three times a summer-in a tent for at least a full weekend.

18.) Learn how to waterski

19.) Fly on an airplane

20.) Visit another country. (Cananda and Mexico counts)

21.) Put pretty flooring in the lower level of my house (instead of this hard and ugly concrete~long story!)

22.) Write a biography.

23.) Make a complete family tree

24.) Learn French

25.) Visit the Grand Canyon

26.) Take a trip and visit both oceans (two separate trips, that is.)

27.) Pay off my student loans!!

28.) Figure out how to accept and like myself for who I am, and not worry about what other people think or judge.

29.) Learn how to salsa, tango and ballroom dance

30.) Go to Chicago and visit the museums yearly.

I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached, I swear!

okay. so I'm an idiot. Somehow, in the last three hours of work, I lost my car keys. Not only that, but my cell phone died right at the end of my shift. So I got to walk home and then get a ride back to my car to bring it home with my spare keys. Idiot, that's what I am.

Blogging: Acceptable tell-alls?

It occurred to me earlier today that blogging is really a modern and public way for anyone to instantly publish a tell-all book, the kind of publication that can cause quite the stir in Hollywood and other social circles.

My questions of you, dear readers, are these:

*even if you carefully change names to 'protect the innocent' or not so innocent, depending on the experiences, are there lines you should be careful not to cross?

*What if, for you, writing about the experiences is like a form of purging, a confession that you really need to get out of your system so you can gain closure and move on?

*Does it matter if what you need to get out in the open involves people that are no longer in your life? Does it matter what you write then?

I'd greatly appreciate any input you have to give, this involves personal things for me, things I need to expel and gain closure on.. I just want to find the 'right' or at least best way of doing so. And that's where I turn to you, dear reader. Any opinions and ideas you have would be awesome!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Close-mindedness is great material for laughing fits!

*laughing to myself*

I find it a riot the people's reactions when they hear about my dating arrangement. I'm talking about the reactions they have, that they don't even realize~before they become aware and mask them.

Another example was just today. *laughing again as I remember it*. I was at work, when my Aunt and her 'lovely' friend came up behind me. This is the same friend of hers that I cannot stand, she's very loud, opinionated (which would be fine if she had any sort of facts or anything to back them up), and just tries to bowl over you in conversation whenever you try to offer up your own ideas. This is also the same lady that has on a few occasions tried to get my mother fired by pretending she was stiffed in some way or wasn't helped fast enough. She's done the same thing to me once or twice as well..Not even cool, especially when we've known this lady forever.

Anyway. They came up behind me as I was working on resetting the costume jewelry. They were both in the motorized carts, (that I truly believe neither one needs.. they just like the special 'aide'.) We start chit-chatting how they don't like the new store arrangement, how my department has shrunk, yadayada.

Then the funny part. My aunt goes, "I really like your necklace!" To which, I went, "Oh yeah. you don't know about my dating thing yet, huh?'"

'No.... I haven't heard.' She replied.

"My boyfriend's wife gave me this. She actually gave me quite a few pieces of jewelry a couple days ago of stuff that she didn't want anymore."

*commence the few seconds of jaw dropping.*

(Internally I am just cracking up at this point. It's freakin' hilarious to me, that in this century people are still so set on the one on one 'traditional' man-woman one on one relationship/marriage.)

Then my Aunt's friend started to say all sorts of off the wall things, and assumptions to which I was going to start defending, but realized it would just be pointless, so I acted like I REALLY needed to get back to work right then.


And, for the record, I just want to say.. it's just like any other dating relationship. He just has a wife is all. He's awesome to me, gives me all the attention I need, there's usually constant texting, hanging out, takes me out occasionally.. and if you look at the guys I've dated in the past, (one psychotic stalker ex-fiance', one drunkard with sticky fingers and other DEEP issues, and two boyfriends that went to other chicks and got them pregnant while we were supposedly dating 'exclusively', just to name a few;) then he's a real good catch. And it's been about nine months now.. so SOMETHING'S being done right!

(and yes, she knows he has girlfriends.. If I understand correctly, she's the one that gave him permission in the first place to date!)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I promise..

..I haven't forgotten about my dear reader(s)! Life has just been soooo very hectic lately, and I've been so very exhausted for much of it, that there is no brain power left at the end of the day (or even the middle of it!).

I do have tomorrow off, so I hope to be able to post something (or maybe even a few somethings!) for you!

Meantime, I'm gonna do a half-assed 'half assed post', idea courtesy of Simple Dude at (AWESOME blogger, you should really check him out!)

and here is the topic of the night.. I was chatting (like always) with my man, and we were discussing our 'lists of five'- you know, five celebrities you could sleep with if given the chance. He gave me five guys (umm.. he's completely straight lmao!) which were Elton John, George Michaels, David Bowie, Chad Kroeger and Patrick Stewart. But when I asked him what his list of chick celebrities would be, he just replied it'd be too long of a list! LMAO

Anyway, dear reader.. if you were wondering what my lists would be (trusting you haven't fallen asleep from my rambling, that is!) here they are, in no particular order:

Guy Celebrities:
1.)Brad Pitt
2.)Jason Michael Carrol
3.)Toby Keith
4.)Johnny Depp
5.)Trent Reznor

Chick Celebrities:
1.)Jennifer Aniston
2.)Courtney Cox
3.)Jenna Elfman
4.)Helena Bonham Carter (You know, that chick from Sweeney Todd and Fight Club)
5.)Britney Spears (yeah, when she's taking care of herself and not crazy)

So, dear readers... have you ever thought about what celebrities you'd definitely get with? Care to share one, two (or all?)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

So thoughtful!

I just got the most awesome, thoughtful Christmas present! (yes, I said Christmas.. in March.. just smile and nod..)

There's this painting that I've been wanting for MONTHS or maybe a year and more.. and a friend that I was meeting up with tonight gave me a present.. and it was the print! BIG print, not just a little poster replication you can get cheap. Oh my god.. talk about taking my breath away! It's gorgeous! I love LOVE it! And I can't believe he remembered which print I wanted most (It's a series of four, I believe)

Now.. I just have to get a beautiful frame for it. Yay!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

God, I love witty comebacks!

OMG..*laughing my ass off* I think I just found my favorite line from the entire Friends series! It's from the episode where Rachel is past her due date & they are trying everything they can think of to induce labor.. She wants to try sex, Ross doesn't.. and her comeback is, "Come on Ross...Just think of me as a ketchup bottle, sometimes you have to bang on the end of it just to get something to come out"...

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Are those butterflies in my stomach..

...or big freakin' hawks??
I'm kinda.. okay, REALLY.. nervous about plans I have for tomorrow night. I have no idea what to expect or how it will turn out. A friend that I've been on the outs with for months and I made arrangements to get together and try to talk about things. I'm so worried that I'll say or do something to make things even worse, just by being so nervous and worried about saying and doing the things that I want to. (Just think of it being a combination of being around someone I really adore and the fact that the more I want to do right by them and say exactly what I mean that I apparently lose the ability to fully express myself.)

(like the rambling in this entry.. I think I'm going to lose myself in my book and try to sleep soon.. that'll at least ease my mind for the night!)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Miss Independent-willingly or just for survival?

With some things currently going on in my life, I got to thinking about how my friends say (or just know) that I am so independent and say that I need to let others lend support and a helping hand more often.

But, the other disjointed thought with that is: am I independent because I WANT to be? Or because I've learned that I HAVE to be?

I have yet to find someone that is willing to go the extra mile and be there when I really need something (usually more emotional or mental support than anything tangible). I mean, I have my awesome best friend of 20 years, Jenny.. but I'm talking about in the dating realm. It just seems easier to trudge along counting on only myself to get through whatever, and deal with issues on my own rather than to cross my fingers and hope that the person I am dating will come through when I really need them to.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Brownie points scored! :P

Here's what my awesome boyfriend gave me for Valentine's Day.. so thoughtful! I honestly wasn't expecting anything.. so he totally racked up a few brownie points with them :P (Which doesn't mean much, really.. because he can piss me off or annoy me, and somehow fix it within five minutes--grrr!)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Meh.. Happy Hallmark holiday everyone

Is it wrong to think that I should be being pampered and exchanging loving or at least adoring (Remember, I don't do love anymore..) attention with someone right now?

Instead of cleaning house, making dinner for family and later going to be curling up and watching a few episodes of House, before taking a self-lit candle-lit shower and curling up to episodes of Friends before falling asleep?

Or is this just the effect of working retail, and seeing those love-y commercials on the TV, and hearing about the sweet things friends are doing for each other all building up to make an unrealistic desire in my own mind?

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Having a hard time getting over someone..

I wish I could rewind time, and make up with someone that I spent many an awesome time with last year.. but I can't. And it sucks.

My best friend told me that it'd get better, and I'd move past it, and it's his loss. But seriously, she's been my best friend for twenty years, she's a bit biased and is supposed to say stuff like that.

How do others in this situation move on, and forget about someone? I can't see how others do it, pretend that someone else just doesn't exist anymore and have no urge to talk to them or to try to make things better and move on.

Constructive suggestions are totally welcome...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Might seem trivial, but happy news to me!

yay! *insert bubbly happy dance here*

A few months ago, I learned that I had library fines that I never knew about, FROM TEN YEARS AGO! I don't know whether to be disappointed in myself for letting so many years go by without visiting the local library, or whether to happy that I finally started going back?

Anyway...what was the happy dance for, I bet you're wondering? I just got them paid off yesterday! Yay! I am now in the clear to lend up to 75 (OMG, yes.. they allow SEVENTY-FIVE things at a time!) items at my leisure.

So, one less debt I have.. that is awesome :-) And, not five minutes after paying that off, I snagged a copy of a Stephen King novel that I've been trying to read for months.. maybe finally I can finish it!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Greater of two evils?

I can't decide which is worse 'evil' in life: the endings that come abruptly and you have no idea they are gonna happen until after they do (and you're left feeling like you were sideswiped in a hit and run); or the times when things drag on and on, way past when 'goodbye' should have been said, (because neither party wants to throw in the towel even though it's for the best)?

Friday, January 28, 2011

New Year, but same rut :(

I've been thinking lately, and wondering how I could have so screwed up a friendship with someone that I care about deeply so badly that it seems far past being fixable?

It seems the more I try to make amends, the worse it becomes. Every time, I think there's no possible way to make it worse~somehow I do.

We just had such AMAZING chemistry and got along wonderfully from the first time we met.. most people who know me, know I don't allow myself to feel much for others or believe in 'soul mates', but with this person I felt like I had known him for centuries, and through many past lives... And there's only been a few people, friends or otherwise, who I've EVER felt that way about.. and I am still friends with them, after 10-15-20 years. But somehow, in nine months time, I went from actually meeting him on here to being de-friended by him in both real-life and apparently on facebook..

I don't know..maybe I am just a sucky friend.. too selfish, self-centered? Is there no hope for me? It seems to me that he's already moved on from even our friendship, and I'm stuck moping for what I wrecked. I know there are far too many situations I could'a handled better, things I could;a explained better, or even said at all..

He always made me tongue-tied though, made my heart skip a beat.. and I am so very sorry for the horribly way I treated him. I miss his friendship :(

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Free-love...without trying for peace

We're a free-love society (generation). I'm not for sure if many people haven't realized it, or just don't want to admit it.

Because, unlike the previous free-love generation, we are doing diddly squat in attempting to better the world, instead, just drinking, drugging, and sexing it up. We aren't bothering to picket, hold bed-ins or marches, but just filling the airwaves, cyber-world and airspace with our complaints-and no possible solutions.

In an age where it should be so very simpler to organize protests, and get information out there, we are instead filling our blogs, Facebook walls, and texts with what we had for breakfast, poetic love claims, and bitching about work.

This is so very depressing for my outlook on the future of our society.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Happy Ending-Avril Lavigne

Not EXACTLY what I'm feeling, but as close as a song as I can find..

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Survival skills?

I can't just be known for possessing certain 'relational' skills(come on, that's a skill not even able to put on a job resume!) or for my laugh.. or my 'cute' noises that hubby and Nick get a kick out of. Well, hubby does anyway.. Nick just smiles and chuckles a little.

I can't cook, (seriously, cannot even make jello!), never feel up to cleaning house, I don't know technology (and good thing too! because then what would I be keeping hubby around for?), and cannot follow driving directions in the slightest.
So when that last one came up most recently, the first thing that came to mind was the beginnings of this entry.

See, what happened was this..

I was following hubby and Jac from where they are staying to the interstate. Of course, after a few minutes, I started forgetting to pay attention, and daydreaming while driving. This caused me to not notice when they turned at a street and I kept going. But.. instead of calling them and finding them again.. I just figured I should find my own way to the interstate, even though I had no idea where I was, or what direction I needed to go.

Never mind though. You know it ended alright, because I am sitting here blogging about it! I managed after a few round about turns to find my way, all by myself.

I rock.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Not here, nope. Not feelin' it

oh crap.. no, no, feelings are not allowed to be felt or even to develop in any capacity. this is no good, and will only lead to hurt and pain, and falling off a cliff (you know, like mentally..not physically.. that'd be freakin' bad..) *knocks my head against the table*

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A match of wills, (Wo)man vs. Machine

Okay, dear reader. this is a chick who realized last week how very sedentary her lifestyle has become and decided to challenge my treadmill to a match of wills. Never mind it's just a hunk of plastic, metal and a killer belt-I'm not quite for sure which will be more victorious in the end!

I've started the requisite log, I've kicked my ass.. and just after four times, I don't think I'm gonna keel over by the end of the 20 minutes! Yay! And.. AND I even kicked it up to five miles an hour in today's session, and did just fine. (Does it matter that it was only a minute or so, before I went back to 4 1/2/hour? )

So, this wasn't really a conscious New Year's Resolution.. but I guess with the timing, it counts right? I'm curious as to what other people have decided to make as their declarations for 2011. Have you made any, dear reader? How are you doing with them?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

98 Degrees- The Hardest Thing

This is playing pretty regularly in my head.. reminiscent of a situation that is ongoing in my life right now.