Awwww... poor furball :-(

Puppy doesn't seem to feel well today :-( Poor thing.. she's been curled up in bed with her 'buddy' for quite awhile.. I wish I could do something to make her feel better!

 

 

Oh, here we go again :-(

After being up and keeping watch over me most of the night, the little furball has definitely found the most comfy spot in the house to rest- a foot deep cushion of blankets...

 I have chronic mouth/dental issues, due to a low immune system. Both which lend pretty easily to infections and pain.. oh, the pain. Last night was AWFUL! It was soooo bad, and I would've actually broken down and gone to the ER to get a morphine shot (which I've had to do before, always in the middle of the night- go figure!) But the blasted blizzard that was going on kept me grounded at home, curled up in a little ball on the couch :-( My momma kept me company for a good part of it, but she had to work early so I wanted her to get her needed sleep..

I've started back on another round of antibiotics, so hopefully that and constant ibuprofen will get me through! 

Sleep, noise and sneezing fits!

Sleep is such a fickle mistress!

I've been having such a hard time getting a decent, full night's, restful night's sleep for a few weeks now. I couldn't get it in my bed, so I took a note from Nick's routine and tried sleeping on my (oh-so-comfy, nice and soft) couch.. and slept great!

I moved back to my bed, and nada. I think it's in part due to the fact that the interstate is sounding louder and louder by the day (and night) because they took it to six friggin' lanes! How annoying. We're going to put this house on the market come Febuary and find one in a small town nearby.. or at least one that's not less than a football field away from an interstate!


Anyway, I digress. The noise is much louder in my room than my living room for some reason.. though I don't get it, since the rooms are right next to each other!

I did find a solution that seems to work for some kooky reason-- sleeping SIDEWAYS in bed! Weird, you may think! But there's still plenty of room for me to be comfy, since I'm tiny and I have a full size bed.. and this way, the pup isn't kicking me in her sleep! For such a small furball, she's a very active and strong sleeper! (And she ALWAYS sleeps sideways in bed... so now I have an added bonus that she cuddles up almost all night!)


*On a completely unrelated note, do you know how hard it is to try to type a quick blog-note when you're sneezing every other sentence??)

Some songs could be used as neurological warfare!

I swear, if Metallica ever decided to quit the music business, they could get into cahoots with the government, licensing their songs to be introduced onto the battle field.. Their songs are so good, that once they're in your head it's hours or even a day or two before I can shake them out again! And it's a nonstop loop that could make the even sanest person a little batty and distracted!

I give you the following:

Exhibit A:

"Fuel"


Exhibit B:

"Master of Puppets"


You're welcome ;-)

Work and working out...

Quick update before I crash for the night..

So, not long after I wrote the quick entry about my schedule at work, Store Manager Chad walked by. I told him what happened and he told me not to worry about it and it wouldn't get me in trouble at all, since it wasn't my fault and I had been on vacation. And since I almost always take shorter lunches anyway, not to worry about staying later than 5:30.

Sweet. Now, I want to ask him who he is, and what he's done with Chad. It's weird. He's been nicer to everyone and personable and helpful. And the clipboard that seemed to be permanently attached to him hasn't been in attendance in awhile. It's weird. Unsettling. But we all agree that we're just going to enjoy it while it lasts!

And doubly sweet, it gave me JUST enough time to get to the gym and squeeze in a shorter workout. And by JUST enough time, I mean I was walking my last lap in my cool down period when they started turning off the lights.

Speaking of turning off the lights, it is time for mine to go off for the night and curl up with the already sleeping furballs..

What happens when your own self goes on strike...?

Well, it's a good thing last night was so nice, relaxing and wonderful.. because my morning was physically a rough one, indeed.

I slept wonderfully hard, and no dreams for once. Which was a good part, followed by the immediate hour that I was awake which wasn't so good.

When I woke up, I apparently did so waaaaaaayyyyyy too quickly. Usually when I do that, I'm just slightly dizzy and nauseated.. But this morning, I almost fainted from the hallway upstairs spinning. That was just the beginning.. Then my body just decided to go on an all around strike-on the verge of throwing up for over a half hour, dizzy, temperature spiking in moments, asthma freaking out.. just to give the not so disgusting highlights.

Good news (I guess) being that my mind pretty much wiped my memory clean for this morning until I was back in bed recovering. I don't know how unusual that is, or about anyone else, but when I have sudden episodes like this morning, my brain makes them going away. I don't actually have clear memories of the beginning of my day, just know that it happened and the remnants of yuckiness throughout the day. I really don't know what I'd do without my mom. I try not to think about it, because my anxiety freaks out and is paralyzing. She's wonderful, supportive and there for me no matter what. I'm very lucky.

After I rested for a bit, my day got a little better. I just took it very easy while we ran the most necessary errands and then curled up on the sofa alternating between watching TV and doing a few of the things that absolutely had to be done today. Resting was top priority, considering I have to start my work week in the morning. Thank goodness my vacation starts next week, I'm definitely looking forward to it!

Very nice evening had, and not too bad a day

Best evening I've had since I got really sick last week, following a pretty decent day, health-wise!

This morning I woke up feeling pretty good. (Which is every morning, the real test is when I start moving around.) But the good, energetic feeling stuck around for a good portion of the day.. once it kicked in.. which was after some breakfast, some TV off of the DVR, some lunch, and some Daily Show episodes.

Slowly, but steadily, I picked up and did a little cleaning in every room.. took far longer than usual and I did less than I usually get done on a typical Sunday. But at least the house looked a little better! The stairs only started to kick my butt near the end of my cleaning..

Now onto the pleasant surprise of a nice evening.. Nick and I hadn't had time to ourselves for a few weeks, so he invited me over. Which isn't that unusual, Sunday's are pretty much our "unofficial" night each week. On the way over, Def Leppard, "Pour Some Sugar" came on the radio.. Aweeeesooooommee! That's almost always a good sign.

I get inside, and Jon Stewart's "Night of Too Many Stars" was playing on the TV, about twenty minutes in. Which made me very excited, because I had forgotten to put it on my DVR's recording list. But kind of bummed, because I missed a good chunk of it.

Nick's sweetness kicked in then, when he shared some YUMMY chocolates with me. Within the next hour, he was sweet and funny and teasing, and VERY accommodating. Which was very much different than he's been the last few days... but very nice :-) That might mean that his typical mood/thought cycle has made another round and his charming self is back instead of his asinine self. I can hope, yes?

Now back to Jon Stewart's charity program and another example of unexpected sweetness. Even though he'd already seen the first part of the program, which would usually mean he'd change it once it restarted, he just let it play until it hit back to the part it was at when I walked in.

Then he switched to Netflix, and the first thing I pointed out, he switched on. (Which was Kathy Griffin's "Tired Hooker".. love her!) I had started to get tired and my stomach was slightly upset, so I laid down on the sofa while he made some brownies. Which helped him deliver a totally unasked for, unexpected, and wonderful massage that helped me feel better.

A little more TV and that was my wonderful and relaxing evening. And now time for sleep and hopefully nice dreams!

Wardrobe wondering..

Hmm.. as I'm arriving home early from work, (another day, I just couldn't hack it as miserable as I feel- which makes me feel even worse that I couldn't do it), I'm wondering: Am I weird and alone in color coordinating my pajamas? They always have to match or have a common color palate. Is that weird? It's not like I actively think about it, I just do it..

Anywho. That's my thought for the moment.. now to make some comfort food, and curl up in bed with some medicine, warm furballs and remote to my DVR..

Unplanned Mini B*tch Session..

I was right. It was a very long, long, LOOOOOONNNNGGG day. Socially, not TOO bad.. well, at least with people at work. But energy/health/physical-wise? Sucked.. sucked big time.

I need out of there. I need a new, challenging, comparable pay job. Where people are treated better, and it's nice and fun, not so rushed. Hmmm... I doubt such a thing really exists.

My God, the interstate is flippin' blaringly loud the last few nights. I can't hardly hear myself think, or hear my TV at a comfortable level. 


And while I'm on a mini complaint-athon, do people really not know that they are annoying? Whether the really loud, obnoxious chattering magpies that always seem to be in the break room when I want to relax and enjoy quiet time, or the customers that make the same old tired jokes, over and over again ('I don't think you can give me the help I need, but I AM looking for... (har de har har har)'.. or the people who keep bringing up the same innuendos repeatedly, day in and day out. Like, yeah, it stopped being funny and in any way interesting/relevant DAYS ago. You'd think after you stopped responding to them and changed topic, they'd pick up on the hint and drop it. Yeah... right. Unfortunately, not so much. For one tiny example: Like the $5 bucks joke charge to use the department phone.. or to throw something away.. yadada.. OLD and I ignore him EVERY time, but yet his little brain hasn't picked it up yet. Threadbare jokes/innuendos/conversations/etc are just such a turn off and instantly make my brain want to automatically avoid any further contact. Is anyone else like this?

And, don't get me wrong.. I KNOW I have my faults, and annoying features.. but we're not talking about me. We're talking about the abnormal people we have to share this environment with ;-)

Anyway, it's late. I'm tir-- scratch that-- I'm EXHAUSTED.. and still sick. So it's past time to curl up with my furballs and sleep, sleep, sleep!


**This entry sort of inspired by the awesome Miss Sara at Sara's Organized Chaos, you should go check out her blog. She's a pretty phenomenal writer, and on my list of blogs I read regularly :-)**

Effects were shortlived :-(

This is going to be a loooooooonnnggg day, I do think. I woke up feeling much better, energy-wise, and thinking, "Yes. I feel good. Sleep must've helped.

Sadly, no.

I've been up a half hour, and after only two trips up and down the stairs during taking care of the animals, I'm already beat. And that is after a two hour nap yesterday, resting for an hour before bed, and sleeping about eight hours. Work is going to suck. I could take another day off, since I already have a point against me from yesterday, but I can't do that regularly the rest of my life. I have to push forward, and only let the worst of the worst days get to me.

Speaking of work, I've gotta go back upstairs, take a shower and get ready to go.

..Or not. Since someone else just told me they had to take one first. I guess I'll be doing other small things before that..

Just another day..

I did something today that I haven't done in at least two or three years.. (if not longer). I called in sick to work. I haven't been feeling well anyway, and my lupus symptoms have been pretty prominent lately--especially the fatigue and sore joints. I had an appointment this morning, and by the time I was done with that, I was dragging, my feet feeling like they were cement blocks. I just couldn't see myself working a shift after that.. instead I came home and actually took a nap for a couple hours! I don't remember the last time I did that either, even though I've been craving doing it a lot.. might have to work that into my schedule more.

(In other news, I think I may have just stumbled across how to fix my formatting issue with my blog.. I guess I'll find out when I publish this entry, hm?)

I feel a little bit better tonight, a little less sniffly and congested, a little more energy.. but still much lower than even my normal. I'm hoping a good, decent night's sleep is ahead of me, so that tomorrow is more productive... and work is okay. I'm hoping a certain coworker of mine either calls in or opts to work in a different area, I just really don't feel like dealing with drama and attitudes tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, it's going to be that in about five minutes, and I want sleep.. so off to curl up I go.

It's 5 a.m. .... why am I awake??

Gah! Something funky is going on with my sinuses lately.. isn't that one of the weirdest sensations in your head?? Got the weird feeling between my ears and mouth (ack! driving me INSANE!), sniffly and starting to get congested.. blah! Another one of the divine rug rats that go through the store regularly must've passed along something to me. Either that, or my co-worker's baby's constant sick stuff must've traveled to my work environment through her... I haven't seen anyone using sanitizing cleaning stuff on the counters and such lately, come to think of it... Anyone have good medicine referrals that they'd like to pass along? I think I may need something..

Too much crap!

Do you ever just look around and all of a sudden just think to yourself, 'Jeezus, I just have too much basic crap around my house! Dumpster, please!'

Or is that just me?

I weed out my stuff at least twice a year, and don't buy much in the way of 'extras' or dust-collectors but I keep feeling suffocated by my stuff.

I think I'm off to take an hour tossing and purging, maybe feel better? I shall update with the final toll of what dent I have made and to where it's final destination shall be..

Even the voices in my head think I'm crazy!

This was actual inner dialogue I caught myself having earlier today right after I got to work:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My OCD is making me crazy!"

"No, my OCD is WHY I'm crazy."

"Actually... talking to myself about my OCD and being crazy is what would classify myself as crazy."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Isn't that just 'crazy'..? Does anyone else think in complete sentences, much like J.D. on Scrubs? Or is it just me?

Losing my grip...

So, yeah. I'm totally losing it. And not even in the fun way, where I get to see pink unicorns and blue elephants chasing a monkey across a rainbow. Although, that would be slightly interesting, and would score me a white coat and a enjoyable bouncy room.

No, no.. this is quite the boring and anticlimactic way. Like, where every dish has to be put 'just right' into the dishwasher. And I can't have piles of ANYTHING anywhere to deal with later. And I have to 'count' my way out of the house every morning, alphabeticalize everything with a title, color coordinate everything in my closet.. etc, etc.

Yes, it's the grand development of OCD. I think people believe I am joking when I say I have it, or think I am exaggerating about things I honestly believe I have to do. Like the walking through every room in the house, making sure everything is in it's place and there's nothing hot left on and nothing small left where it could possibly get into puppy's reach. I just realized that's actually my mantra as I do my walk through before I leave everyday~ "Nothing hot, nothing small...nothing hot, nothing small..."

Which got me thinking. Looking back, (hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?), I can see the progression. Just maybe five, six, maybe seven years ago, I remember just having to check to make sure the stovetop was off and that was that. I never was bothered by a (very) messy living quarters, piles of stuff everywhere, and so on. But, just tonight, I was eating a plate of spaghetti while I was watching Scrubs. And I managed to knock the plate onto the floor and dump my food. I think most people would just clean up the spaghetti and that would be done. No, I cleaned up the spaghetti, and then noticed I had accumulated stuff on my dresser. I straightened that up and then proceeded to clean the entire room until everything was in it's precise, designated position. And then, when I took my dishes to the kitchen, started cleaning the counters until I forced myself to say, 'No, it's one o'clock in the morning. This can wait until tomorrow.'

And, it's become a rapid progression as of late. Earlier this year, I had had enough of my anxiety attacks, and went to the doctor. She prescribed something for them and said it would also help with my OCD symptoms as well,

Boy, was she ever wrong. My anxiety behaviors grew ten times worse, my trichotillomania came back active full force, and my OCD has skyrocketed.

I did stop the medicine just about a month in. But it's not making anything go back to 'normal'. Which scares me.

If I've gotten this, 'precise' for lack of a better word by the time I'm in my mid-twenties... what could it possibly be like for me when I'm thirty? Heck with that, what about in a year?

Dear readers, do any of you deal with this? Do you have any decent suggestions for me? Do you think I'm losing it? Any constructive criticism you have, I'll gladly listen...

Now, I'm going to go to bed before I think of something else that I HAVE to check or clean.. hope you all are having a good morning/day/night... which ever applies as you are reading this.

Exercise Regimes

Hey everyone.. I just wanted to ask around about what exercise routines everyone is engaged in, and what works for you.

I never had to 'actually' exercise before, I used to be able to eat and eat, and burn every single calorie off. Uh, yeah..not anymore. Truth be told, I've gained like 15 pounds in the last year, and even though most of you will be like,'You're tiny, you don't need to lose anything...." shut up! (In the nicest way possible, of course!)

My favorite jeans won't even get halfway on anymore, so there's where I draw the line!

There's no way I'm getting back into my bikini again, unless I lose this tummy... so what suggestions do you all have for me.. and be a LITTLE serious please :P (I love you guys, and your jokester ways.. but sometimes I need real input too ;-) )

Also, I can't do heavy weights, because of my back problems, so that sort of thing is out...

Thank you guys so much :-)

A match of wills, (Wo)man vs. Machine

Okay, dear reader. this is a chick who realized last week how very sedentary her lifestyle has become and decided to challenge my treadmill to a match of wills. Never mind it's just a hunk of plastic, metal and a killer belt-I'm not quite for sure which will be more victorious in the end!

I've started the requisite log, I've kicked my ass.. and just after four times, I don't think I'm gonna keel over by the end of the 20 minutes! Yay! And.. AND I even kicked it up to five miles an hour in today's session, and did just fine. (Does it matter that it was only a minute or so, before I went back to 4 1/2/hour? )


So, this wasn't really a conscious New Year's Resolution.. but I guess with the timing, it counts right? I'm curious as to what other people have decided to make as their declarations for 2011. Have you made any, dear reader? How are you doing with them?