Cutting ties and starting anew..

What a very, very LONG day! It's funny the unusual things that happen through the course of the day that you don't expect when you wake up. But, first, Day One of Facebook hiatus is completed! Made it a whole 24 hours without it, and with the exception of automatically thinking, "Day one of Facebook free, how freeing and interesting this will be" in Facebook status form this morning while I was getting ready for work, I didn't have much of an urge to sign on. This could be easier than I thought! Which brings me to the the other somewhat (but not really) related events of the day. I traded my old phone number for a brand new one. After drama events found their way into my inbox, it pushed me to make the decision that I've been contemplating for while to change it. At first, I didn't think I'd be able to afford it right away, when I called customer service, they told me that it would cost $36 dollars to do! I was texting my friend Tab about it, and she said to hold on and she'd talk to her buddy who apparently works at the At&T store in the mall. When I got off, he told her to tell me to go into the store and he'd take care of it for me. Less than a half hour later, I was all set with a new number, for free! A half hour after that, and I was in the middle of helping her hold up the counter at her job, chatting away. :-) She's cool, I like her. And she's 'what you see, is what you get'. I need more friends like that! After I finally made it home, I whittled down the people who actually have the ability to reach me by phone down to a mere 14 for now.. and I think that that will be good. Others I see at work, and people also have my email address. I figured this would be the best time to cut ties with benefit-less relationships, creeps, stagnant friendships and people that tend to try to bring me down. And now, I figure it is time to curl up under my covers with my furballs and sleep, sleep, sleep! Did I mention it was a very, very long day?

Deactivation initiated!!

Bye, Bye comments, Bye Bye, long news feed, Hello, free time, I think I'ma gonna enjoy this! After a few weeks of planning, figuring out how to download all of my Facebook photos onto my computer, letting my close friends and family know, and un-linking every app I've added my FB account to, I finally pulled the plug on it at midnight. I stayed up much longer than my body was wanting, but my brain locked in on doing it at midnight, and tonight was the night in it's opinion. And with my OCD, it won out. As the hours progressed closer to "D-time", I was actually getting more and more excited.. and relieved. Does that seem silly to anyone else? Oh well. It's how it was/is. I'm interested to see if I will have much in the way of cravings or withdrawals.. and how long this hiatus may last. And how friends/family that either didn't get the mass message I sent out in time, or don't remember reading it, will react? Which reminds me of the strangest thing. I've not been much in the mood for texting lately either. Technology and nonstop interaction is past the "starting to get on my nerves" stage, so I haven't looked at my phone much this week. And you'd not believe how many people either assumed I was mad at them, or are mad AT me for not texting them! I am just baffled. Anyway. Instead of writing many statuses, and notes.. I think I will center that attention on this blog. Make notes either in my phone or on my kindle and compile them later for you all (and myself). But, for now, this will have to do.. for I am very sleepy and my bed is winning out on the luring me to it for the next eight hours! Good night :-)

Crashes from other rooms- NEVER a good sign!

Haha. Wowwww.. I was just sitting here, reading one of my favorite blogs-Sara's Organized Chaos, wishing I had something as fun and interesting to write about as possible stripper music and and truthful adverting from telemarketers.

I was just about to resort to blogging about my delicious cinnamon roll and chocolate soy milk breakfast when a HUGE crash came out from the upstairs bedroom followed by a tan blur racing out the doorway, around the dining room table and then UNDER the china hutch.(Which, of course, sent two blurs (cream and white) chasing after him.

I was wondering what the heck the guilty party (Gage) could have possibly gotten into in there and walked into this:





See that wire thing near the top of the shade? That WAS part of the shade.. whose previous job was to hold the glass pieces in. It's new job is apparently to shock me when I touch it. Partly to do with my electric personality. (No, seriously.. I have an insane amount of electricity in my body. I shock things (and people) continuously, and stop watch batteries inside of five minutes. I should try for the lead in a female adaption of 'Powder' or something.)

The guilty party:



Less than ten minutes later, he's wanting attention. Either extremely short attention span or delusional about the trouble he's in. Go figure! Oh well. I guess that's one less lamp that we have to dust, or replace light bulbs in! So really, he saved us money?

Inspiration for the New Year

My Facebook status from earlier: "is about to throw out what is wasteful and abandon unsuccessful situations, replacing them with something more solid and useful... Including both material and immaterial things. (Perfect time to be inspired for such a movement, with the new year tomorrow!)"

This year was something else, especially relationship-wise. Certain people that I was sure would move on, (and I was told by others that it was inevitable,) haven't. At the same time, people I thought I was close to and didn't foresee an ending or fading from have gone down other paths in life-ranging from moving cross country to having new babies to new relationships. Not really any one's fault, per se', but these changes tend to affect people and the way they can spend their time and attention. Which is totally understandable and I'm happy for my friends and the new opportunities coming their way, but also saddened by the fact of the distance and lacking closeness.

This year did bring about a few surprising developments in friendships, from closeness with people I've known for years casually to awesome friends that I've made just in the last year.

I think one of my New Year's resolutions is to let go of my hopes for remaining as close to some people as I've been in the past when my efforts aren't returned and instead, spend my energy building my friendships of those in my life's present day. Not to say that I'll cut them out of my life entirely-but that I should stop living in the past and look ahead to the future and where things are now.

Really, I guess it just comes down to that I'm done bending over backwards to keep certain people in my life. It comes down to one simple truth...either I matter to them or I don't. And the last six months have really helped to show me which category most of my friend's and acquaintances fall into.

I wish all of my friends, family, acquaintances and blog readers a Happy New Year, and that you can accomplish everything you want and have the best time of your life!

Having a hard time getting over someone..

I wish I could rewind time, and make up with someone that I spent many an awesome time with last year.. but I can't. And it sucks.

My best friend told me that it'd get better, and I'd move past it, and it's his loss. But seriously, she's been my best friend for twenty years, she's a bit biased and is supposed to say stuff like that.

How do others in this situation move on, and forget about someone? I can't see how others do it, pretend that someone else just doesn't exist anymore and have no urge to talk to them or to try to make things better and move on.

Constructive suggestions are totally welcome...

New Year, but same rut :(

I've been thinking lately, and wondering how I could have so screwed up a friendship with someone that I care about deeply so badly that it seems far past being fixable?

It seems the more I try to make amends, the worse it becomes. Every time, I think there's no possible way to make it worse~somehow I do.


We just had such AMAZING chemistry and got along wonderfully from the first time we met.. most people who know me, know I don't allow myself to feel much for others or believe in 'soul mates', but with this person I felt like I had known him for centuries, and through many past lives... And there's only been a few people, friends or otherwise, who I've EVER felt that way about.. and I am still friends with them, after 10-15-20 years. But somehow, in nine months time, I went from actually meeting him on here to being de-friended by him in both real-life and apparently on facebook..


I don't know..maybe I am just a sucky friend.. too selfish, self-centered? Is there no hope for me? It seems to me that he's already moved on from even our friendship, and I'm stuck moping for what I wrecked. I know there are far too many situations I could'a handled better, things I could;a explained better, or even said at all..

He always made me tongue-tied though, made my heart skip a beat.. and I am so very sorry for the horribly way I treated him. I miss his friendship :(

The Vine, rain, great music, awesome company=great time!

Bleh… My muse seems to have left the building, in same fashion as Elvis.

I have plenty to write about, I just have no inspiration to actually do it. Or, really, to do it in a fashion that will hold the interest of anyone for more than a minute. But, really... I don't know more than a few people who have this blog address… and I think that those two are biased to reading what I write (: P).

So, here goes unmotivated, uninspired writing… if you fall asleep during it, I hope you have wonderful dreams.

Let me tell you about the wonderful time that I had on Saturday.

I made plans to meet up with a guy friend of my lil' sister at The Vine, Saturday evening at eight o'clock. I had talked with him regularly online and hung out with him once at The Mill; at a Snow Demon show… a pretty cool guy. Not too bad on the eyes either, if I can say so myself..! A little taller then me, longer dark hair, dark eyes, total music freak like myself. Not overweight in the slightest, actually perhaps a bit muscular (from what I can tell… I didn't think to rip his shirt off or nothing lol!)

*Anyway… like I was saying, before I so rudely interrupted myself!*

Jarien and I met inside, and fell into a wonderful conversation almost immediately. The poor waitress had to come over three or four times before we finally had looked at the menu & decided what we wanted. He ordered artichoke dip with chips, I ordered a chicken with bacon sandwich, and for us to share we also ordered a cheese fry appetizer. Now, I don't know where they learned portion sizes, but this plate of cheese fries could've been a spare tire for a car! The thing was HUGE! Not only that, but apparently my sandwich also came with fries... ohhh... and the yummiest sauce EVER!

It was incredibly loud in there, which is funny because we had made plans originally to get together where we could hold a conversation and actually hear one another being the only other time that we had been face-to-face was at a heavy metal show... but the racket really didn't phase me at all. Nothing like loud noises usually do when I’m by myself or just in a regular social setting.

On this wonderful night, it was intermittently pouring down rain… But we paid little attention to the people coming in and out; Instead, talking about music, (a VERY major like for both of us,) our upbringing, (turns out that we actually grew up in the same neighborhood at around the same time! Quite possibly might’ve even met once or twice when we were little…), food preferences (He‘s a vegetarian, I only eat a little meat)…

Eventually, the topic made its way to the show that he was planning on going to after we had dinner together. He thought it started at 10:30, but wasn’t a hundred percent, so I looked it up on my phone. Turns out that it was actually scheduled to run from 7:30-10:30, according to the almighty Facebook. By this time, it was nearing 9:30. He asked me if I wanted to go to it with him, and he’d pay my way in. We decided we’d had enough of the loud restaurant/bar, and finished up. He had the most awesome, self-less idea that I had heard in awhile… And one that I had never heard anyone suggest before… He suggested that we bag up the leftovers and give them to a homeless person on the way. That just bowled me over- such a self-less idea! Totally amazing. How many people just bag it up, take it home, and often it just sits in the refrigerator until it goes bad? That same food that would make another person’s day and maybe is the only thing that they have to eat?

We left The Vine, and headed out into the pouring rain. I did have an umbrella, which we both tried to stay under, but that didn’t work very well. So we just ran for it! And I had a blast! We ran from the south side of downtown to the middle… Laughing, running around (and through) puddles- it was great! Apparently, I run very well for a chick wearing knee high, black boots… He said something like a lot of chicks can’t run- or do this fake, I can’t run thing… This made me laugh, the way he said it! I bet that we might’ve looked a bit silly running like that, but you know what? I don’t care! It was fun- getting soaked, dodging around massive puddles, grates & raging streams in the road!

We got about two thirds of the way there when the rain stopped, and we could walk a bit more normally to Public Space One where the show was. Arriving there about ten, we found out that the band he wanted to see, ‘WhysperSmyth’, went on at 10:30, so he wanted to go & see if a friend of his wanted to come see it as well.. He didn’t, so we headed back to the show just in time to watch them start warming up. Unfortunately, the couch we had been sitting on previously was taken, so we grabbed a few folding chairs. That was okay with me, I knew that if the band was any good then I’d be unconsciously inching my way closer to the stage anyway. That seems to be what I do with bands that I go see that I really dig. I’ll start at the back of the crowd, but without realizing it at all, I’ll slowly but steadily make my way to the front. It’s the music that pulls me to it.

The performance was awesome; Kate (the lead singer) has the most awesome voice- the best way I can think to describe it is that it is like a cross between Cher, Billie Holiday and Janis Joplin. She’s also a little cutie too! I would never have guessed that such a powerful, sultry voice could come out of someone so tiny and ‘cute’ as she is! At one point, I was up closer to the stage, and Jarien came up and stood next to me & put his arm around me briefly. It was really nice! He wasn’t smothering or anything, and a complete gentleman then, and all night long. It was just a gesture that seemed to say, “I’m here, and this music is awesome…” or something like that. I’m sure you know what I mean, dear reader!

After they were finished playing, we did the customary, ‘Great show,’ thing. Jarien works with one of the guitarists, which is how he heard about the band in the first place. They shot the breeze for just a few minutes and he also made some much needed ‘musician’ connections… Info and contacts on who to get a hold of to book a show there himself. (He plays rhythm guitar and is lead vocals in the band, Insanguine…) So, perhaps I’ll get to see him on stage playing soon! If not there, I’m sure somewhere else because they’ve played several other venues lately from the look of their band page. .

The night started to wind down then… We wandered in and out of a few places, picking up a few people he knew as we walked, and then met up with his brother, who was working on his homework at a pizza place. They closed shortly after that for the night, so we again headed out into the night & down to sit at Gabe’s & talk for a bit. Unfortunately, the combination of how late it was getting, combined with the loudness of the place, we decided to call it a night.

Which might’ve been a good thing because as soon as I got home, changed into my pj’s, & uploaded the show’s photos, I crashed in front of my computer for about a half hour & then slept for ten hours after that in my comfy bed. Apparently I was a lot more tired than I thought!

We’ve made tentative plans for this Sunday, I may go watch Insanguine at their band practice & then, depending on the weather, we may go scout out some playgrounds. Might sound weird, but that’s another thing that we have in common- we both like going to playgrounds and swinging on the swings!

Minor annoyances..

Augghhh! Seriously, I maybe investing in a nun's habit soon! I'm sooo done with dating & relationships right now!

Remember the ex that I mentioned to you, dear reader? The one from the show.. the one who has issues that I dated last year? After all the craziness he displayed, and the trust that was shattered.. I had elected to just stay casual friends with him.

He KNEW that was all that I wanted, and all that he was going to get..

He just had to push it.. He emailed me an invitation to a romantic dinner last weekend.

"...comes forth to request the presence of Seana Pierce for a romantic night for two.Sunday April 25,2010 at 7:00pm.To the Classy Cafe Down Off the Street.Including from the grill fresh T-bone steak,baked potato,macaroni salad and green beans.Food to make your mouth water.Under candle lit conditions to calm your soul.Music to sooth the savage beast with in.Flowers for solace.A smile that warms your hart awaits your acceptance." (Not to mention all the spelling & grammatical errors that made me cringe..)

This is where it comes in that I hate hurting people no matter what they've done in the past.. I never answered it, a small part of me hoping that he would just forget the idea I guess.

Not so lucky. After the show last night, the idea must've lodged further in his ill-functioning brain.. he sent me a message asking my response. I declined, saying that I wanted to stay friends & maybe work on maintaining the friendship/shattered trust than to reinstate dating with such a rocky, non-existent foundation that would be doomed to failure anyway, because my faith & trust in him was gone. His responses were as follows:

April 21 at 10:29pm
Thanks for working & talking it out with me too.I'm glad its all about you. Thanks to for stompin' on my hart again it feels really good! Just block me :( .
April 21 at 11:53pm Report
All right...thanks for at least telling me this time.Much better.Kudos to you.Thank you.

Just a few weeks ago we where talking kids and all that.Now a short time later,nothing again.I'm sorry about the whole alpha bullshit.

I've "dated/relationship" with you and if that is how you treat me...then I don't really want to be a "friend".You didn't even say hi or bye at the show.You don't really talk to me anyway.Your talking to the *Smiths* again and all your new friends.You don't need or want me around.I know when to take a hint.I served my role( not very well)I don't want you to hurt me again.

Sorry,I'll be angry and broken harted but who cares?I'll get over it again sooner or later.I'll just stay away from you.

So you know I'm blocking you.I guess I'll leave yahoo open for a rainy day.I'll lose your number as well...I wouldn't want you to have to change your number cuz I told you "I love you".You don't talk to me anyway.You don't even love me.I wont go to any more Snow Demon or Burnout shows...so you don't have to worry about me. You really never needed me for much of anything anyway.Well have fun in your adventure with your life.Good Bye Seana Pierce

I'm the pariah who walks the path...

Okay, dear reader.. let's break this disillusioned correspondence up in more manageable pieces, shall we?

Paragraph(ish) one.. I didn't realize that I had to clear everything I thought, felt or wanted through anyone who offered me a dinner invitation? If that's the case, than I am surely screwed.. and not in a good way. And stompin' on his heart? Please... This is the guy that can magically 'turn his emotions & feelings' off and on at a whim. I can't imagine he was that invested when we were actually dating last year, let alone now.

Paragraph Two.. I don't know who he was 'talking kids' with a couple of weeks ago, but it sure wasn't me. The last time we had any conversation anywhere near that topic was late last year.. Okay, maybe he's a *tad* sorry for the 'alpha bullshit'- but after I found out what I did today, I doubt it.

Paragraph Three.. He sounds like a verbal version of a broken red, rubber ball. So many partial thoughts in there that make no sense, and put together like that just hurts my brain. I didn't say an 'official' hi or bye to many of my friends that were there, but they aren't chewing me out. I think I need some more enlightenment on this paragraph in order for me to even care about my side of it... oh, besides the fact that he talks about my friends like they make all my decisions for me & run my life... gah. So not the case. They're not the reason I broke up with him- he is. *Note.. I changed the last name of the friends that he mentioned..*

Paragraph Four.. A bad version of a pity party, meant to tug on my heart strings. Jo Dee Messina's 'My Give A Damn's Busted' comes to mind.

Paragraph Five.. More pity party, meant to be controlling, demeaning and aggressive. Yeah, I see right through it. I know what's going on. He's trying to make it all my fault that things didn't work out, and whatever. As for him not showing up to the shows? I don't believe it. That's one of his major 'claim to fame's' that he knows those bands, and is 'unofficial' member that helps with set up, tear down, van mechanics, etc..

But, you know what? I'm done with him. I've purged all of this out, and am not going to waste another word or thought on him. I have awesome friends that I love, and a pretty decent life, all things considered.

That's all on this, dear reader!

Hello there!

Welcome to my new little place on the web!

A lot of changes have been going on within me in the last three to four months. I decided to start writing again, and documenting my thoughts, feelings & observations as my life progresses and I explore who I am & what I want to become more in depth. I did have another place that I had been writing, but unfortunately it seems to have been hijacked & no longer accessible by me.

Although that discovery bummed me out & saddened me that the only full written record of the last two or three years is lost to me forever, another part of me thinks that it works out well. I feel as though I am beginning a new chapter in my life. Starting a new blog site & purging myself of the old without having a chance to lament over old entries, experiences & lost loves/friends is more conducive to moving forward.

Within the future writings that will be contained in this blog, I hope to explore my experiences in life, love and friendships... Please feel free to comment & leave your input on anything that strikes a chord!