Friday, January 28, 2011

New Year, but same rut :(

I've been thinking lately, and wondering how I could have so screwed up a friendship with someone that I care about deeply so badly that it seems far past being fixable?

It seems the more I try to make amends, the worse it becomes. Every time, I think there's no possible way to make it worse~somehow I do.

We just had such AMAZING chemistry and got along wonderfully from the first time we met.. most people who know me, know I don't allow myself to feel much for others or believe in 'soul mates', but with this person I felt like I had known him for centuries, and through many past lives... And there's only been a few people, friends or otherwise, who I've EVER felt that way about.. and I am still friends with them, after 10-15-20 years. But somehow, in nine months time, I went from actually meeting him on here to being de-friended by him in both real-life and apparently on facebook..

I don't know..maybe I am just a sucky friend.. too selfish, self-centered? Is there no hope for me? It seems to me that he's already moved on from even our friendship, and I'm stuck moping for what I wrecked. I know there are far too many situations I could'a handled better, things I could;a explained better, or even said at all..

He always made me tongue-tied though, made my heart skip a beat.. and I am so very sorry for the horribly way I treated him. I miss his friendship :(

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Free-love...without trying for peace

We're a free-love society (generation). I'm not for sure if many people haven't realized it, or just don't want to admit it.

Because, unlike the previous free-love generation, we are doing diddly squat in attempting to better the world, instead, just drinking, drugging, and sexing it up. We aren't bothering to picket, hold bed-ins or marches, but just filling the airwaves, cyber-world and airspace with our complaints-and no possible solutions.

In an age where it should be so very simpler to organize protests, and get information out there, we are instead filling our blogs, Facebook walls, and texts with what we had for breakfast, poetic love claims, and bitching about work.

This is so very depressing for my outlook on the future of our society.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Happy Ending-Avril Lavigne

Not EXACTLY what I'm feeling, but as close as a song as I can find..

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Survival skills?

I can't just be known for possessing certain 'relational' skills(come on, that's a skill not even able to put on a job resume!) or for my laugh.. or my 'cute' noises that hubby and Nick get a kick out of. Well, hubby does anyway.. Nick just smiles and chuckles a little.

I can't cook, (seriously, cannot even make jello!), never feel up to cleaning house, I don't know technology (and good thing too! because then what would I be keeping hubby around for?), and cannot follow driving directions in the slightest.
So when that last one came up most recently, the first thing that came to mind was the beginnings of this entry.

See, what happened was this..

I was following hubby and Jac from where they are staying to the interstate. Of course, after a few minutes, I started forgetting to pay attention, and daydreaming while driving. This caused me to not notice when they turned at a street and I kept going. But.. instead of calling them and finding them again.. I just figured I should find my own way to the interstate, even though I had no idea where I was, or what direction I needed to go.

Never mind though. You know it ended alright, because I am sitting here blogging about it! I managed after a few round about turns to find my way, all by myself.

I rock.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Not here, nope. Not feelin' it

oh crap.. no, no, feelings are not allowed to be felt or even to develop in any capacity. this is no good, and will only lead to hurt and pain, and falling off a cliff (you know, like mentally..not physically.. that'd be freakin' bad..) *knocks my head against the table*

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A match of wills, (Wo)man vs. Machine

Okay, dear reader. this is a chick who realized last week how very sedentary her lifestyle has become and decided to challenge my treadmill to a match of wills. Never mind it's just a hunk of plastic, metal and a killer belt-I'm not quite for sure which will be more victorious in the end!

I've started the requisite log, I've kicked my ass.. and just after four times, I don't think I'm gonna keel over by the end of the 20 minutes! Yay! And.. AND I even kicked it up to five miles an hour in today's session, and did just fine. (Does it matter that it was only a minute or so, before I went back to 4 1/2/hour? )

So, this wasn't really a conscious New Year's Resolution.. but I guess with the timing, it counts right? I'm curious as to what other people have decided to make as their declarations for 2011. Have you made any, dear reader? How are you doing with them?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

98 Degrees- The Hardest Thing

This is playing pretty regularly in my head.. reminiscent of a situation that is ongoing in my life right now.