I have some major work related news... After years of being there, I got promoted to department manager of HBA/cosmetics! I signed the papers (computer?) last Thursday, and I start working with the chick that I'm replacing today.
Even though I'm up and pretty much ready before 6:30 a.m., and I've worked a bit by myself over there last Friday and Saturday, I still can't believe it! I keep expecting to: a.) be a dream b.) or I get in there and they say, "We're sorry, we don't know what we were thinking, you'll just have to go back to being a regular floor minion (as opposed to a higher minion :P)..
And the kicker is? With the exception of my new assistent, my former ZM, my store manager and my mom, NO ONE seems to have faith that I can do it! They keep making negative or snide comments.. Hm. Time to prove a bunch of people wrong, me thinks..
Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
It makes you feel kind've celebrity-ish!
So, it seems the big topic in the front end was that I got my nails done on my supper break! This actually happens to me on a regular basis, the store really has little to talk about besides gossiping about people, and it seems gossiping about me in particular...
I feel kind've important if that's the most exciting thing for people to talk about-but really, I could suggest much more interesting aspects of my life if asked!
(All in good jesting, this is.. i love my coworkers up front (most of the time ;-) ))
It makes me think that all that's missing is glitzy clothes and paparazzi jumping out at me randomly!
I feel kind've important if that's the most exciting thing for people to talk about-but really, I could suggest much more interesting aspects of my life if asked!
(All in good jesting, this is.. i love my coworkers up front (most of the time ;-) ))
It makes me think that all that's missing is glitzy clothes and paparazzi jumping out at me randomly!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Survival skills?
I can't just be known for possessing certain 'relational' skills(come on, that's a skill not even able to put on a job resume!) or for my laugh.. or my 'cute' noises that hubby and Nick get a kick out of. Well, hubby does anyway.. Nick just smiles and chuckles a little.
I can't cook, (seriously, cannot even make jello!), never feel up to cleaning house, I don't know technology (and good thing too! because then what would I be keeping hubby around for?), and cannot follow driving directions in the slightest.
So when that last one came up most recently, the first thing that came to mind was the beginnings of this entry.
See, what happened was this..
I was following hubby and Jac from where they are staying to the interstate. Of course, after a few minutes, I started forgetting to pay attention, and daydreaming while driving. This caused me to not notice when they turned at a street and I kept going. But.. instead of calling them and finding them again.. I just figured I should find my own way to the interstate, even though I had no idea where I was, or what direction I needed to go.
Never mind though. You know it ended alright, because I am sitting here blogging about it! I managed after a few round about turns to find my way, all by myself.
I rock.
I can't cook, (seriously, cannot even make jello!), never feel up to cleaning house, I don't know technology (and good thing too! because then what would I be keeping hubby around for?), and cannot follow driving directions in the slightest.
So when that last one came up most recently, the first thing that came to mind was the beginnings of this entry.
See, what happened was this..
I was following hubby and Jac from where they are staying to the interstate. Of course, after a few minutes, I started forgetting to pay attention, and daydreaming while driving. This caused me to not notice when they turned at a street and I kept going. But.. instead of calling them and finding them again.. I just figured I should find my own way to the interstate, even though I had no idea where I was, or what direction I needed to go.
Never mind though. You know it ended alright, because I am sitting here blogging about it! I managed after a few round about turns to find my way, all by myself.
I rock.
Friday, June 4, 2010
In regards to a recurring pattern with a few friends..
I hate it when I feel like I'm just a filler for someone until something better comes along.. be it relationships, plan making, or time using... Once is understandable, twice.. hmmm, okay... but three times in a short time? Nuhuh.. I'm more valuable and deserve better than that.. at least I have always been able to count on Jen for the last twenty years! :P
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Quick Quote
One of my friends posted this online this morning, and it resonated with me, so I snagged it...
"I am bad at life. Dreamers don't last long in this world. Upkeep and maintenance have always been something I have failed at. Is the world falling apart or is that just me?"
"I am bad at life. Dreamers don't last long in this world. Upkeep and maintenance have always been something I have failed at. Is the world falling apart or is that just me?"
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Society's unreasonable norms & expectations..
I’m so confused by society’s norms, rules & expectations anymore.
There are so many things that dictate who you can love, where you can love, and how you can express your love and desire, affections and passion for another human being that it’s not even funny.
Really… Am I the only one that has a problem with this?
First of all, according to modern day American society, you are only allowed to marry one other person, even with great strides recently it is still really only accepted as a person of the opposite sex. If you are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, you are constantly on (high) alert for acts of unacceptance, jokes, snide comments, & on… & on… You are also subject to what is really unwarranted feelings and ideas that you need to live ‘within the norm’, and build your life accordingly because you worry about how your friends, family, neighbors would accept what you really want. For example:
A man being attracted to only other males, but his father has always put down and been verbally assaultive towards other members of society who express these desires & act on them- so he never ‘comes out of the closet’-- and thus, not to mention that feelings of self-hatred and depression would often be by-products, he is robbed of the happiness he deserves to find.
A woman discovers herself to be bisexual, but due to reactions of her immediate family to her aunt being a lesbian, never officially dates another woman--and never feels complete happiness & satisfaction in relationships.
A group of three people, two women & a man, discovering that they have immense attraction to each of the others, and connect so well on many of the levels that people look for, but do not pursue a relationship because of fear of how to announce such a arrangement to family, friends & society in general, and how it will be accepted or not-- are cheated out of a possible way to fulfillment and happiness that isn’t ‘allowed’.
Yes, I know, in several places, the laws are being changed to allow for same sex marriages, but if you really think about it, it’s far from REALLY being accepted. There are still stories routinely in the news about people being discriminated, beaten and even killed for pursuing what makes them happy, fulfilled and able to completely be themselves. Also, not in the news, but in everyday life… Everywhere you turn, if you listen close enough, you can hear discriminatory jokes, statements and attitudes that can breed unacceptance, contempt and hatred towards people of different orientations.
Who decided that the best way was a mom & dad, 2.2 kids, and a dog in suburbia America? Why not 2 men with an adopted child? Why not a woman in two separate public relationships-with one woman & one man? Why not a man in a relationship with a woman in a relationship with another woman? WHO SET THESE IDEALS??
And who dictated that that was the ONLY form of acceptable relationship? Who says that this is the only way for society to be successful and prosperous?
There are several different ‘types’ of relationships. What about those people who feel absolutely wonderful & happy in a relationship with not one, but two other people? Why is there such a stigma attached to this idea? So, there are three people very close to one another that share an incredible attraction and bond with one another… Why does the number matter?
Or, say for instance, a man who desires to have two wives? Why is this wrong? So, he goes home to two women & not one… What makes the difference to people outside the household?
Enough with the issue that you aren’t allowed by society to be with who you want to be with. What about showing that love in public? I’m not talking about the inability to go full fledged naked and have sex with your partner in the public’s eye… But the simple act of holding hands or giving a kiss, for instance. I’m 25, and still sometimes hear the kiddies remarks of ‘Go get a room’ or ‘Can’t you wait until you get home?’ when someone walks by with their partner… and heaven forbid, that partner is same sex! I can NOT believe the close-minded, disgusting remarks that I’ve heard co-workers make when that happens to occur!
I have a couple of co-workers that I greatly admire for doing what makes them happy, even though I know that it must be hard for them sometimes. When I met them, one worked in Stationary, and the other in candy. They apparently hit it off very well, for they started dating… which sounds like any other relationship, except that he is married. This revelation started the whole store buzzing, and snide comments were flying around like nothing else. Then, she learned she was expecting his child- which she actually just gave birth to the little one this last week- and they were ecstatic.
You know the best part? His wife knows all about her, and totally is cool with it. I personally admire them for going after what makes them happy & content… They know what other associates are saying about them, AND THEY COULD CARE LESS! They don’t bother trying to hide anything, I’ve seen them walking around the store hand in hand, I’ve seen the ‘naked’ love for each other on their faces, I’ve seen them kiss… it’s just positively inspiring to me.
Going back to my statement that I wasn’t talking about full-fledged intimacy with your lover in public… Maybe I DO mean to include that… What makes that wrong? Is there something so horribly wrong with seeing the human body in its true form? Why is sex so taboo? Maybe not going so far as too having sex up against a car in a parking lot… But what’s with the idea that even at home, the drapes must be pulled before engaging in activity? The body is a beautiful thing; the act is a part of nature… If you are a little shy or insecure about how you look, why might that be? Maybe a personal trait that you were born with, but couldn’t it also be a way that society is…? The messages that you hear from society is that sex is bad, (yet they use it to sell EVERYTHING,), you shouldn’t show too much skin or you’ll be slutty (yet, what do you see EVERYWHERE in advertising?), anyone would feel confused after receiving all the mixed messages in media!
This writing, (well, rant if you want to call it that,) all started with just a few thoughts that have been rattling around m head for a little while now-mostly subconsciously for awhile. For some reason they came up to the forefront of my mind a few days ago, and have been accumulating on one another until now. It all started with the one thought, “Why is it always assumed that if you do have a soul mate, that the number is always one?” Are you not allowed two..? Three..? People change over their lifespan, what if you grow away from the person you feel at one with..? Does that mean you’re screwed for the rest of your life?
Wouldn’t it make more sense to assume that you have multiple soul mates, if you believe in such a thing? One for each stage in your life? So that, if and when you ‘outgrew’ one, than you have another waiting sometime in the future?
And if that is the case, why couldn’t you have more than one soul mate, at the same point in your life?
What if you don’t believe in soul mates at all? What then? Are you doomed to wander the Earth alone for your time here? Do you just find one person after another that suits your fancy? What would make a person of this belief truly happy?
Another question… Does believing in soul mates mean that you believe in the existence of souls? And that opens the whole can of worms regarding god, religion and what happens after you die…
There are so many things that dictate who you can love, where you can love, and how you can express your love and desire, affections and passion for another human being that it’s not even funny.
Really… Am I the only one that has a problem with this?
First of all, according to modern day American society, you are only allowed to marry one other person, even with great strides recently it is still really only accepted as a person of the opposite sex. If you are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, you are constantly on (high) alert for acts of unacceptance, jokes, snide comments, & on… & on… You are also subject to what is really unwarranted feelings and ideas that you need to live ‘within the norm’, and build your life accordingly because you worry about how your friends, family, neighbors would accept what you really want. For example:
A man being attracted to only other males, but his father has always put down and been verbally assaultive towards other members of society who express these desires & act on them- so he never ‘comes out of the closet’-- and thus, not to mention that feelings of self-hatred and depression would often be by-products, he is robbed of the happiness he deserves to find.
A woman discovers herself to be bisexual, but due to reactions of her immediate family to her aunt being a lesbian, never officially dates another woman--and never feels complete happiness & satisfaction in relationships.
A group of three people, two women & a man, discovering that they have immense attraction to each of the others, and connect so well on many of the levels that people look for, but do not pursue a relationship because of fear of how to announce such a arrangement to family, friends & society in general, and how it will be accepted or not-- are cheated out of a possible way to fulfillment and happiness that isn’t ‘allowed’.
Yes, I know, in several places, the laws are being changed to allow for same sex marriages, but if you really think about it, it’s far from REALLY being accepted. There are still stories routinely in the news about people being discriminated, beaten and even killed for pursuing what makes them happy, fulfilled and able to completely be themselves. Also, not in the news, but in everyday life… Everywhere you turn, if you listen close enough, you can hear discriminatory jokes, statements and attitudes that can breed unacceptance, contempt and hatred towards people of different orientations.
Who decided that the best way was a mom & dad, 2.2 kids, and a dog in suburbia America? Why not 2 men with an adopted child? Why not a woman in two separate public relationships-with one woman & one man? Why not a man in a relationship with a woman in a relationship with another woman? WHO SET THESE IDEALS??
And who dictated that that was the ONLY form of acceptable relationship? Who says that this is the only way for society to be successful and prosperous?
There are several different ‘types’ of relationships. What about those people who feel absolutely wonderful & happy in a relationship with not one, but two other people? Why is there such a stigma attached to this idea? So, there are three people very close to one another that share an incredible attraction and bond with one another… Why does the number matter?
Or, say for instance, a man who desires to have two wives? Why is this wrong? So, he goes home to two women & not one… What makes the difference to people outside the household?
Enough with the issue that you aren’t allowed by society to be with who you want to be with. What about showing that love in public? I’m not talking about the inability to go full fledged naked and have sex with your partner in the public’s eye… But the simple act of holding hands or giving a kiss, for instance. I’m 25, and still sometimes hear the kiddies remarks of ‘Go get a room’ or ‘Can’t you wait until you get home?’ when someone walks by with their partner… and heaven forbid, that partner is same sex! I can NOT believe the close-minded, disgusting remarks that I’ve heard co-workers make when that happens to occur!
I have a couple of co-workers that I greatly admire for doing what makes them happy, even though I know that it must be hard for them sometimes. When I met them, one worked in Stationary, and the other in candy. They apparently hit it off very well, for they started dating… which sounds like any other relationship, except that he is married. This revelation started the whole store buzzing, and snide comments were flying around like nothing else. Then, she learned she was expecting his child- which she actually just gave birth to the little one this last week- and they were ecstatic.
You know the best part? His wife knows all about her, and totally is cool with it. I personally admire them for going after what makes them happy & content… They know what other associates are saying about them, AND THEY COULD CARE LESS! They don’t bother trying to hide anything, I’ve seen them walking around the store hand in hand, I’ve seen the ‘naked’ love for each other on their faces, I’ve seen them kiss… it’s just positively inspiring to me.
Going back to my statement that I wasn’t talking about full-fledged intimacy with your lover in public… Maybe I DO mean to include that… What makes that wrong? Is there something so horribly wrong with seeing the human body in its true form? Why is sex so taboo? Maybe not going so far as too having sex up against a car in a parking lot… But what’s with the idea that even at home, the drapes must be pulled before engaging in activity? The body is a beautiful thing; the act is a part of nature… If you are a little shy or insecure about how you look, why might that be? Maybe a personal trait that you were born with, but couldn’t it also be a way that society is…? The messages that you hear from society is that sex is bad, (yet they use it to sell EVERYTHING,), you shouldn’t show too much skin or you’ll be slutty (yet, what do you see EVERYWHERE in advertising?), anyone would feel confused after receiving all the mixed messages in media!
This writing, (well, rant if you want to call it that,) all started with just a few thoughts that have been rattling around m head for a little while now-mostly subconsciously for awhile. For some reason they came up to the forefront of my mind a few days ago, and have been accumulating on one another until now. It all started with the one thought, “Why is it always assumed that if you do have a soul mate, that the number is always one?” Are you not allowed two..? Three..? People change over their lifespan, what if you grow away from the person you feel at one with..? Does that mean you’re screwed for the rest of your life?
Wouldn’t it make more sense to assume that you have multiple soul mates, if you believe in such a thing? One for each stage in your life? So that, if and when you ‘outgrew’ one, than you have another waiting sometime in the future?
And if that is the case, why couldn’t you have more than one soul mate, at the same point in your life?
What if you don’t believe in soul mates at all? What then? Are you doomed to wander the Earth alone for your time here? Do you just find one person after another that suits your fancy? What would make a person of this belief truly happy?
Another question… Does believing in soul mates mean that you believe in the existence of souls? And that opens the whole can of worms regarding god, religion and what happens after you die…
Saturday, May 1, 2010
First clothing addtion..
Today, I totally hit the(small) jackpot today, clothes-wise!
Went over to Stuff, Etc after work & managed to find two new skirts, a pair of pants and a new peasant-type shirt for work... very excited! I don't remember the last time that I actually had a skirt (or two) to wear to work.. I do know it was before the dress code kicked in, which was two or three years ago. I used to wear them ALL the time!
Very cool!
*Extra.. Now, it's Saturday, and I'm going to rock my new pants, shirt for work.. and dug my FAVORITE Sarah Jessica Parker canvas shoes out of the closet.. So comfy for today!*
Went over to Stuff, Etc after work & managed to find two new skirts, a pair of pants and a new peasant-type shirt for work... very excited! I don't remember the last time that I actually had a skirt (or two) to wear to work.. I do know it was before the dress code kicked in, which was two or three years ago. I used to wear them ALL the time!
Very cool!
*Extra.. Now, it's Saturday, and I'm going to rock my new pants, shirt for work.. and dug my FAVORITE Sarah Jessica Parker canvas shoes out of the closet.. So comfy for today!*
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I took a few new pics...
(The necklace that I've worn pretty much non-stop since my best friend went to Iraq a couple of tours ago... it's a little worse for the wear, but not coming off or getting fixed until I see him again!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
A pain in the ass, but the results are so pretty!
Hello dear reader! I know I haven't written lately.. but it was a busy weekend! I don't have enough time to tell you about my wonderful time on Saturday night, but I shall show you what I did on Sunday!
I figured since office hubby virtually started spring cleaning my closet, I should start on the rest of the house..and the first room to be attacked was my bedroom.. (One, because it sorely needed it; Second, because the rest of the house is cleaned on a regular basis but when I get to my bedroom, I tend to just fall into bed and that's that..)
Before pics..
And.. what it looks like now...
I figured since office hubby virtually started spring cleaning my closet, I should start on the rest of the house..and the first room to be attacked was my bedroom.. (One, because it sorely needed it; Second, because the rest of the house is cleaned on a regular basis but when I get to my bedroom, I tend to just fall into bed and that's that..)
Before pics..
And.. what it looks like now...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Just a quick note..
that I wish I could just carry around a fully functioning shower with me, everywhere I go! That's the only consistant time in my day where I feel sexy & love how my body looks.. plus I LOVE water!! (One of my exes even used to call me his 'water princess' that's how much I like showers, baths, the beach, swimming, etc.) :P
Now, back to your regularly scheduled surfing!
Now, back to your regularly scheduled surfing!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Turning heads...? Not so much..
(..I've written some pretty rough, indepth & personal stuff lately.. I feel I should write a lighter entry now...)
I have an issue that's building up aggravation inside..
That is, I'm tired of all the hot customers & my hot co-workers turning heads & I don't. For example, I was walking through electronics to take something to the back when a really attractive woman walked by three male associates. I witnessed all three of their heads turn to watch her progress down the aisle. Like their heads were on swiveling poles or something.. and I got nary a glace from these three, let alone a second! I texted one of them a few minutes later, teasing him about what I saw them doing, and he responded, 'What, do you think I'm gay or something?' Wellll.... if you're that straight & I get no attention.. what does that appear to say about my looks??
So, I got to thinking about it, more and more. One day I brought this up in conversation with a close friend of mine, Dustin.. I mentioned this particular observation of mine, and the suggestion of boosting my 'hottie rating' came up. He is apparently REALLY good at knowing what looks good on women, and offered his 'fashion consultant' services to help me remake my wardrobe & attempt to boost my overall rating with the guys. Apparently, I am REALLY bad at picking out clothes..
Last Friday night, he stayed around at work at helped me pick out four or five tank tops & a really cute pair of shorts. I then made a pact with him not to do any shopping without him until I get my arsenal of 'hotness boosting' clothing built up.
(Sunday, however, I went to Target.. and found THE HOTTEST DRESS! I hope he thinks it looks as good as I think it does!)
Today we were talking, and the conclusion was made that I need to weed through my closet & get rid of anything that doesn't fully do me & my body justice. (And really anything that's pretty old, and not in the style that I am looking for.. which is most of it.)
I walked into my bedroom tonight after work & realized there is something that needs to be done before I buy anything else. I have fallen into a pattern of keeping the rest of the house really neat & clean - but lose my energy before I can do the same to my bedroom/closet. So, not only do I have to go through my closet.. I need to clean up my bedroom & put away the heaping pile of clothes that are on my chair..
Now, that I have these horribly messy pictures up.. my goal is to have these two things cleaned up & my wardrobe gone through by the end of the week.. Wish me luck, dear reader, I'll need it!! (Especially when I've tried to weed through it before, and my pack-rat side kicks in, and I keep way more than I should or really want to..!)
And if you have any suggestions for me regarding new clothing ideas or organizing my closet, or what-not.. please feel free to comment!
I have an issue that's building up aggravation inside..
That is, I'm tired of all the hot customers & my hot co-workers turning heads & I don't. For example, I was walking through electronics to take something to the back when a really attractive woman walked by three male associates. I witnessed all three of their heads turn to watch her progress down the aisle. Like their heads were on swiveling poles or something.. and I got nary a glace from these three, let alone a second! I texted one of them a few minutes later, teasing him about what I saw them doing, and he responded, 'What, do you think I'm gay or something?' Wellll.... if you're that straight & I get no attention.. what does that appear to say about my looks??
So, I got to thinking about it, more and more. One day I brought this up in conversation with a close friend of mine, Dustin.. I mentioned this particular observation of mine, and the suggestion of boosting my 'hottie rating' came up. He is apparently REALLY good at knowing what looks good on women, and offered his 'fashion consultant' services to help me remake my wardrobe & attempt to boost my overall rating with the guys. Apparently, I am REALLY bad at picking out clothes..
Last Friday night, he stayed around at work at helped me pick out four or five tank tops & a really cute pair of shorts. I then made a pact with him not to do any shopping without him until I get my arsenal of 'hotness boosting' clothing built up.
(Sunday, however, I went to Target.. and found THE HOTTEST DRESS! I hope he thinks it looks as good as I think it does!)
Today we were talking, and the conclusion was made that I need to weed through my closet & get rid of anything that doesn't fully do me & my body justice. (And really anything that's pretty old, and not in the style that I am looking for.. which is most of it.)
I walked into my bedroom tonight after work & realized there is something that needs to be done before I buy anything else. I have fallen into a pattern of keeping the rest of the house really neat & clean - but lose my energy before I can do the same to my bedroom/closet. So, not only do I have to go through my closet.. I need to clean up my bedroom & put away the heaping pile of clothes that are on my chair..
Now, that I have these horribly messy pictures up.. my goal is to have these two things cleaned up & my wardrobe gone through by the end of the week.. Wish me luck, dear reader, I'll need it!! (Especially when I've tried to weed through it before, and my pack-rat side kicks in, and I keep way more than I should or really want to..!)
And if you have any suggestions for me regarding new clothing ideas or organizing my closet, or what-not.. please feel free to comment!
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Dating Game
Somehow, I keep attracting the weirdo's.. the psycho's.. the crazies who don't know when to quit. I wonder if there's a sign above my head that only brings these types of people to me, a sign that simultaneously repels the normal people?
Seriously. You may think I'm exaggerating, dear reader. I'm not. Let's work through the timeline here & some of the details..
First, let's go back 11 years. That would make me 14, and just ending 9th grade (spring of '98). Enter my first boyfriend, Clint.
Yes, I was 14, and he was 21. He was first my brother's friend, and that's how we met. Nothing ever physical really happened, even though we dated a little more than a year off & on. And looking back now, I'm sure he had other chicks his age while we dated. Which, (you know what?) was fine...
...Because in tenth grade, (fall of '98)while we were dating, a boy named Danny moved to the area. One of the baddest boys our school had ever seen.. and a guy that to, at least last summer, we share immense passion off & on for one another. (As will become evident through this entry, if I am to be at all honest.) Within forty-five minutes of meeting him, we became much more acquainted with one another than Clint and I did over the whole off-on thing. No, we didn't do THAT.. but we did kiss in-depth all the way home on the bus, and then we did some more of that a bit after we arrived back to our neighborhood. Danny was the first guy I'd ever kissed that way, and the first guy I was ever really interested in.. We dated for a week, and then he broke it off, (most likely because I wouldn't do the sex thing..)but we stayed friends.
Fast forward to Feb of '99.. Clint & I were off again.. and lo' and behold, he came home from a weekend away, shamefaced. (This is where I should mention that he lived in a rental property with my brother that my mother & former stepfather owned.) Come to find out, he stayed that weekend with an old high school classmate of his. A few weeks after that, turns out that he found out that he had gotten her pregnant during said weekend. That marked the end of our dating, although not the end of seeing each other almost daily. (Joy, right?) Because, instead of moving out on their own, he moved her in with him! Which, as you could imagine, was a bit of a slap in the face..
I, however, being a sweet girl then, tried being nice to her & befriended her.. although she annoyed the CRAP out of me.. They finally moved to North Carolina together at the tail end of the summer.
In Dec. of '99, I went & stayed the night at my 2nd sis's, Hannah's, place.. in the same town as Danny lived. Him and I snuck away to a barn on the edge of town, and had our second ever make out session.. I don't really feel the need for THAT many details, just the fact that he was a great kisser for a tenth grader is sufficient.
Moving on, I don't remember how I had met him and how we started dating.. but I had my second boyfriend during most of 11th grade..Jeremiah. He ended up dumping me when he met another chic in winter of '01. No, we never had sex.. and yes, she came up pregnant just a few months after we broke up. Hmm... the beginnings of a pattern, emerging?
After that, I didn't date again for the rest of high school. I graduated in '02, and started working at Wal-Mart in October of that year. Not more than a couple weeks after I started there, an unloader and I hit it off VERY well. Steve & I naturally took our breaks together, flirted back & forth, and discussed certain scenes of 8 Mile(which had just came out that year,) at length. I remember when he came up to me when I was looking at the schedule board, and uttered the only 'real' date invitation that I've ever gotten- "Um, yeah, I've never really done this before.. but I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner and a movie sometime soon?"
(Now, that I'm looking back on it, and know what kind of guy he is today.. I'm sure it wasn't the first time he ever did the date invitation...!) And if you were curious, I wore my long denim skirt, with canvas heels, and a hippie top. He made a wonderful spaghetti dinner, & we played Super Mario Brothers, where I kicked his ass!
We ended up dating for about, I wanna say four or five months..? Maybe six.. not much longer than that. Many a make-out session, hanging out & Nintendo-filled evening occurred. He ended up dumping me for the chick that worked in fabrics & crafts.. once again, I think it's because I wasn't to the point that I was ready to do anything more than make out & she was. She was also a drifter, a modern day hippie who eventually moved back to San Fransisco. She was the first chick that I found attractive in more than just a 'friend' way. But, I didn't really realize that at the time.
Now, flash your mind back to the past 'assets' of Wal-Mart.. do you remember when most of them had a eat-in little fast food thing called the Radio Grill? That's where I met my ex-fiance'. He wasn't the type that I usually went for... but maybe that's why I went for him. We would talk back and forth when I would get my food during my breaks, and chat online many times every week... (I just remembered something that I had forgotten until now. In the beginning, I was not interested in Jay like that AT ALL. It was his brother Josh that I was totally digging. Josh was cute, funny & unfortunately into another chick.) So, somehow, Jay and I ended up dating, engaged and I tried to break it off with him a year & a half later, in the summer of '05. Seriously, I don't know how it all progressed that far. He gave me a promise ring after a month & tried to give me an engagement ring after four months. I made him wait on that for awhile before finally accepting it. That was when I found out he wanted me to become a barefoot & constantly pregnant preacher's wife who wouldn't have a say in any of the decisions that would be made. And that was going to start with the wedding, when he wouldn't let me me choose red & white for the colors, because 'red wasn't a proper wedding color'. Instead, he choose yellow..
When I did try to end things with him, he really was having none of it.. He would sit on the hilltop behind my house, watching me come & go.. accusing me of seeing other guys, (which I wasn't,) and bug me incessantly at work.
I ended up back in touch with Steve that June-July, and we went camping with a large group of people at a organized festival that was in the area that August. That was an amazing weekend.. Jay tried to 'keep a hold of me' until September, when I finally decided to leave the state for a week to get away from everything and figure out how I was going to get rid of him. (I went & stayed with Steve in Nebraska..)Easier said than done, however. He followed us all the way over there, (a four & half hour drive,). Then he proceeded to drive all around Lincoln, NE looking for signs of me. When he couldn't find anything after seven hours, he drove back home. That's not all. He then proceeded to hack into my email account to get Steve's email address, then got into his email account to get his phone number, calling over and over...
Staying with Steve is when I met his best friend, Chad.. who was also with him on the camping trip. Steve ended up working almost EVERY day that I was there, even though he had originally had the entire week off. It worked out, however, because Chad and I spent almost every day together that week, morning to night, and some nights to mornings.. The following month, Steve ended up moving back to Iowa, and the month after that, Chad followed as well. We ended up dating for two years, and the only reason we separated was because he had to move back to Nebraska due to unforeseen circumstances.. we finally broke it off in the middle of the summer of '07.
In 2008, I started talking with a guy that worked in the dairy department, and we hung out more and more regularly on breaks and outside of work. Tall, dark, handsome, athletic.. a sight for sore eyes. We ended up having many an 'occasion' together.. I would've been quite content with that arrangement, considering that I was done having relationships for the time being.. except our desires of what came out of the physical aspect didn't match. He wanted a certain act regularly, and I wasn't for it. So, it kinda fizzled out slowly, as the days grew shorter and the leaves left the trees.
During that season's holiday card addressing, I felt the urge to look up an old friend and send him a card saying hi and hoping all was well. I had known Toby since I was very little, but had lost touch with him for a few years. The card did end up making it right to his mailbox, and we started hanging out and getting reaqcainted. We started dating Januray 6th of last year, and went until Christmas Eve, when everything came to a head. I'm not quite ready to go into it all yet, but beginning in the summer, things had started becoming turmoilous. On a side note, Danny came back into the picture a few times over the summer.. on the sly. Doesn't really make me look very good, does it..? :(
However, little did I know, that the new year was going to bring a LOT of changes, new experiences, and new, wonderful people into my life- including Dustin & Crystal..
Seriously. You may think I'm exaggerating, dear reader. I'm not. Let's work through the timeline here & some of the details..
First, let's go back 11 years. That would make me 14, and just ending 9th grade (spring of '98). Enter my first boyfriend, Clint.
Yes, I was 14, and he was 21. He was first my brother's friend, and that's how we met. Nothing ever physical really happened, even though we dated a little more than a year off & on. And looking back now, I'm sure he had other chicks his age while we dated. Which, (you know what?) was fine...
...Because in tenth grade, (fall of '98)while we were dating, a boy named Danny moved to the area. One of the baddest boys our school had ever seen.. and a guy that to, at least last summer, we share immense passion off & on for one another. (As will become evident through this entry, if I am to be at all honest.) Within forty-five minutes of meeting him, we became much more acquainted with one another than Clint and I did over the whole off-on thing. No, we didn't do THAT.. but we did kiss in-depth all the way home on the bus, and then we did some more of that a bit after we arrived back to our neighborhood. Danny was the first guy I'd ever kissed that way, and the first guy I was ever really interested in.. We dated for a week, and then he broke it off, (most likely because I wouldn't do the sex thing..)but we stayed friends.
Fast forward to Feb of '99.. Clint & I were off again.. and lo' and behold, he came home from a weekend away, shamefaced. (This is where I should mention that he lived in a rental property with my brother that my mother & former stepfather owned.) Come to find out, he stayed that weekend with an old high school classmate of his. A few weeks after that, turns out that he found out that he had gotten her pregnant during said weekend. That marked the end of our dating, although not the end of seeing each other almost daily. (Joy, right?) Because, instead of moving out on their own, he moved her in with him! Which, as you could imagine, was a bit of a slap in the face..
I, however, being a sweet girl then, tried being nice to her & befriended her.. although she annoyed the CRAP out of me.. They finally moved to North Carolina together at the tail end of the summer.
In Dec. of '99, I went & stayed the night at my 2nd sis's, Hannah's, place.. in the same town as Danny lived. Him and I snuck away to a barn on the edge of town, and had our second ever make out session.. I don't really feel the need for THAT many details, just the fact that he was a great kisser for a tenth grader is sufficient.
Moving on, I don't remember how I had met him and how we started dating.. but I had my second boyfriend during most of 11th grade..Jeremiah. He ended up dumping me when he met another chic in winter of '01. No, we never had sex.. and yes, she came up pregnant just a few months after we broke up. Hmm... the beginnings of a pattern, emerging?
After that, I didn't date again for the rest of high school. I graduated in '02, and started working at Wal-Mart in October of that year. Not more than a couple weeks after I started there, an unloader and I hit it off VERY well. Steve & I naturally took our breaks together, flirted back & forth, and discussed certain scenes of 8 Mile(which had just came out that year,) at length. I remember when he came up to me when I was looking at the schedule board, and uttered the only 'real' date invitation that I've ever gotten- "Um, yeah, I've never really done this before.. but I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner and a movie sometime soon?"
(Now, that I'm looking back on it, and know what kind of guy he is today.. I'm sure it wasn't the first time he ever did the date invitation...!) And if you were curious, I wore my long denim skirt, with canvas heels, and a hippie top. He made a wonderful spaghetti dinner, & we played Super Mario Brothers, where I kicked his ass!
We ended up dating for about, I wanna say four or five months..? Maybe six.. not much longer than that. Many a make-out session, hanging out & Nintendo-filled evening occurred. He ended up dumping me for the chick that worked in fabrics & crafts.. once again, I think it's because I wasn't to the point that I was ready to do anything more than make out & she was. She was also a drifter, a modern day hippie who eventually moved back to San Fransisco. She was the first chick that I found attractive in more than just a 'friend' way. But, I didn't really realize that at the time.
Now, flash your mind back to the past 'assets' of Wal-Mart.. do you remember when most of them had a eat-in little fast food thing called the Radio Grill? That's where I met my ex-fiance'. He wasn't the type that I usually went for... but maybe that's why I went for him. We would talk back and forth when I would get my food during my breaks, and chat online many times every week... (I just remembered something that I had forgotten until now. In the beginning, I was not interested in Jay like that AT ALL. It was his brother Josh that I was totally digging. Josh was cute, funny & unfortunately into another chick.) So, somehow, Jay and I ended up dating, engaged and I tried to break it off with him a year & a half later, in the summer of '05. Seriously, I don't know how it all progressed that far. He gave me a promise ring after a month & tried to give me an engagement ring after four months. I made him wait on that for awhile before finally accepting it. That was when I found out he wanted me to become a barefoot & constantly pregnant preacher's wife who wouldn't have a say in any of the decisions that would be made. And that was going to start with the wedding, when he wouldn't let me me choose red & white for the colors, because 'red wasn't a proper wedding color'. Instead, he choose yellow..
When I did try to end things with him, he really was having none of it.. He would sit on the hilltop behind my house, watching me come & go.. accusing me of seeing other guys, (which I wasn't,) and bug me incessantly at work.
I ended up back in touch with Steve that June-July, and we went camping with a large group of people at a organized festival that was in the area that August. That was an amazing weekend.. Jay tried to 'keep a hold of me' until September, when I finally decided to leave the state for a week to get away from everything and figure out how I was going to get rid of him. (I went & stayed with Steve in Nebraska..)Easier said than done, however. He followed us all the way over there, (a four & half hour drive,). Then he proceeded to drive all around Lincoln, NE looking for signs of me. When he couldn't find anything after seven hours, he drove back home. That's not all. He then proceeded to hack into my email account to get Steve's email address, then got into his email account to get his phone number, calling over and over...
Staying with Steve is when I met his best friend, Chad.. who was also with him on the camping trip. Steve ended up working almost EVERY day that I was there, even though he had originally had the entire week off. It worked out, however, because Chad and I spent almost every day together that week, morning to night, and some nights to mornings.. The following month, Steve ended up moving back to Iowa, and the month after that, Chad followed as well. We ended up dating for two years, and the only reason we separated was because he had to move back to Nebraska due to unforeseen circumstances.. we finally broke it off in the middle of the summer of '07.
In 2008, I started talking with a guy that worked in the dairy department, and we hung out more and more regularly on breaks and outside of work. Tall, dark, handsome, athletic.. a sight for sore eyes. We ended up having many an 'occasion' together.. I would've been quite content with that arrangement, considering that I was done having relationships for the time being.. except our desires of what came out of the physical aspect didn't match. He wanted a certain act regularly, and I wasn't for it. So, it kinda fizzled out slowly, as the days grew shorter and the leaves left the trees.
During that season's holiday card addressing, I felt the urge to look up an old friend and send him a card saying hi and hoping all was well. I had known Toby since I was very little, but had lost touch with him for a few years. The card did end up making it right to his mailbox, and we started hanging out and getting reaqcainted. We started dating Januray 6th of last year, and went until Christmas Eve, when everything came to a head. I'm not quite ready to go into it all yet, but beginning in the summer, things had started becoming turmoilous. On a side note, Danny came back into the picture a few times over the summer.. on the sly. Doesn't really make me look very good, does it..? :(
However, little did I know, that the new year was going to bring a LOT of changes, new experiences, and new, wonderful people into my life- including Dustin & Crystal..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)