Sunday, May 2, 2010

Society's unreasonable norms & expectations..

I’m so confused by society’s norms, rules & expectations anymore.

There are so many things that dictate who you can love, where you can love, and how you can express your love and desire, affections and passion for another human being that it’s not even funny.

Really… Am I the only one that has a problem with this?

First of all, according to modern day American society, you are only allowed to marry one other person, even with great strides recently it is still really only accepted as a person of the opposite sex. If you are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, you are constantly on (high) alert for acts of unacceptance, jokes, snide comments, & on… & on… You are also subject to what is really unwarranted feelings and ideas that you need to live ‘within the norm’, and build your life accordingly because you worry about how your friends, family, neighbors would accept what you really want. For example:

A man being attracted to only other males, but his father has always put down and been verbally assaultive towards other members of society who express these desires & act on them- so he never ‘comes out of the closet’-- and thus, not to mention that feelings of self-hatred and depression would often be by-products, he is robbed of the happiness he deserves to find.
A woman discovers herself to be bisexual, but due to reactions of her immediate family to her aunt being a lesbian, never officially dates another woman--and never feels complete happiness & satisfaction in relationships.
A group of three people, two women & a man, discovering that they have immense attraction to each of the others, and connect so well on many of the levels that people look for, but do not pursue a relationship because of fear of how to announce such a arrangement to family, friends & society in general, and how it will be accepted or not-- are cheated out of a possible way to fulfillment and happiness that isn’t ‘allowed’.

Yes, I know, in several places, the laws are being changed to allow for same sex marriages, but if you really think about it, it’s far from REALLY being accepted. There are still stories routinely in the news about people being discriminated, beaten and even killed for pursuing what makes them happy, fulfilled and able to completely be themselves. Also, not in the news, but in everyday life… Everywhere you turn, if you listen close enough, you can hear discriminatory jokes, statements and attitudes that can breed unacceptance, contempt and hatred towards people of different orientations.

Who decided that the best way was a mom & dad, 2.2 kids, and a dog in suburbia America? Why not 2 men with an adopted child? Why not a woman in two separate public relationships-with one woman & one man? Why not a man in a relationship with a woman in a relationship with another woman? WHO SET THESE IDEALS??

And who dictated that that was the ONLY form of acceptable relationship? Who says that this is the only way for society to be successful and prosperous?

There are several different ‘types’ of relationships. What about those people who feel absolutely wonderful & happy in a relationship with not one, but two other people? Why is there such a stigma attached to this idea? So, there are three people very close to one another that share an incredible attraction and bond with one another… Why does the number matter?

Or, say for instance, a man who desires to have two wives? Why is this wrong? So, he goes home to two women & not one… What makes the difference to people outside the household?

Enough with the issue that you aren’t allowed by society to be with who you want to be with. What about showing that love in public? I’m not talking about the inability to go full fledged naked and have sex with your partner in the public’s eye… But the simple act of holding hands or giving a kiss, for instance. I’m 25, and still sometimes hear the kiddies remarks of ‘Go get a room’ or ‘Can’t you wait until you get home?’ when someone walks by with their partner… and heaven forbid, that partner is same sex! I can NOT believe the close-minded, disgusting remarks that I’ve heard co-workers make when that happens to occur!

I have a couple of co-workers that I greatly admire for doing what makes them happy, even though I know that it must be hard for them sometimes. When I met them, one worked in Stationary, and the other in candy. They apparently hit it off very well, for they started dating… which sounds like any other relationship, except that he is married. This revelation started the whole store buzzing, and snide comments were flying around like nothing else. Then, she learned she was expecting his child- which she actually just gave birth to the little one this last week- and they were ecstatic.

You know the best part? His wife knows all about her, and totally is cool with it. I personally admire them for going after what makes them happy & content… They know what other associates are saying about them, AND THEY COULD CARE LESS! They don’t bother trying to hide anything, I’ve seen them walking around the store hand in hand, I’ve seen the ‘naked’ love for each other on their faces, I’ve seen them kiss… it’s just positively inspiring to me.

Going back to my statement that I wasn’t talking about full-fledged intimacy with your lover in public… Maybe I DO mean to include that… What makes that wrong? Is there something so horribly wrong with seeing the human body in its true form? Why is sex so taboo? Maybe not going so far as too having sex up against a car in a parking lot… But what’s with the idea that even at home, the drapes must be pulled before engaging in activity? The body is a beautiful thing; the act is a part of nature… If you are a little shy or insecure about how you look, why might that be? Maybe a personal trait that you were born with, but couldn’t it also be a way that society is…? The messages that you hear from society is that sex is bad, (yet they use it to sell EVERYTHING,), you shouldn’t show too much skin or you’ll be slutty (yet, what do you see EVERYWHERE in advertising?), anyone would feel confused after receiving all the mixed messages in media!

This writing, (well, rant if you want to call it that,) all started with just a few thoughts that have been rattling around m head for a little while now-mostly subconsciously for awhile. For some reason they came up to the forefront of my mind a few days ago, and have been accumulating on one another until now. It all started with the one thought, “Why is it always assumed that if you do have a soul mate, that the number is always one?” Are you not allowed two..? Three..? People change over their lifespan, what if you grow away from the person you feel at one with..? Does that mean you’re screwed for the rest of your life?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to assume that you have multiple soul mates, if you believe in such a thing? One for each stage in your life? So that, if and when you ‘outgrew’ one, than you have another waiting sometime in the future?

And if that is the case, why couldn’t you have more than one soul mate, at the same point in your life?

What if you don’t believe in soul mates at all? What then? Are you doomed to wander the Earth alone for your time here? Do you just find one person after another that suits your fancy? What would make a person of this belief truly happy?

Another question… Does believing in soul mates mean that you believe in the existence of souls? And that opens the whole can of worms regarding god, religion and what happens after you die…


  1. very well said :)

  2. You write BEAUTIFULLY, Zombie-princess, and all your questions are ones that truly need answering by this elusive yet domineering "SOCIETY". In my mind the only basis for any defense of what you question (by "society") will rest on religion. Get rid of religion, you get rid of discrimination and childish bullying, and open the door for FREEDOM. Obviously with freedom come responsibility, but give ppl the chance to learn responsibility-- encourage them to do so and teach them how-- and we will have a beautiful, loving society that far exceeds the moral standards we have now, and allows for humanity to attain higher levels of happiness and feelings of self-worth. Just by writing this you have helped get us a little closer to that goal as it is important to teach by example and dialogue with others when we can.

    Keep the rational 'rants' coming, chick!! <3

  3. ahwhythehellnotMay 3, 2010 at 1:53 AM

    I blame God. Or more accurately, his fan club.

  4. All good questions, unfortunately no real direct answers. As far as sexual orientation and social morays, it's about time we just open the flood gates to accepting that people are all different. Big reason this doesn't happen however is the Religious Right that still has the country by the balls. What if your soul mate is another man or a woman? Shouldn't this be recognized by religious sects? I don't know since I'm not the religious type but I was taught to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I don't think you need a book for that one. And really if you want to spend the rest of your life with ONE other individual, more power to you. That should be admired not ridiculed.