1.)Music isn't just a hobby for me, it's the force of life
2.)I don't believe that we were supposed to have monogamous relationships
3.)If we do have soul mates, I truly believe I met him in the last few years, but he is already taken
4.)I've really been a life-long Michael Jackson fan, learning Thriller before I could even put together full sentences
5.)I've shown major signs of trichotillomania since the third grade
6.)I have severe anxiety, especially concerning leaving the house
7.)I have CNA training
8.)I think a BK Whopper meal is the perfect dinner (or lunch..or breakfast)
9.)Jason Michael Carroll's voice makes me melt
10.)Too much milk products makes me sick :-(
11.)I love, love, LOVE the water. I love showers, I love the rain, I love the beach.
12.)An ex-boyfriend used to refer to me as his 'water princess'.
13.)I'm a HUGE Jackass fan. I can't decide which dude I like best- Knoxville, Steve-O or Bam.
14.)I don't currently have a favorite color-I do like red, also purple, and green...
15.)I HATE the color blue!
16.)I've worked at the same Wal-mart for going on nine years
17.)I love my friends, adore who I date. There's one exception, but it's not meant to be.
18.)I'm working (slowly) on a book/novelette
19.)M*A*S*H is my all-time favorite TV show
20.)'Enter Sandman' makes me feel all warm inside
21.)Music is like breathing to me
22.)I have a nice electric guitar, but no clue how to play it as of yet :-(
23.)I've been best friends with Jenn for almnost twenty-one years, I've known Josh for just a little bit longer than that.
24.)I almost moved to Texas and got married at age twenty, thank god THAT didn't work out!
25.)Usually can't stand ego-stroking people, there's only the rare few that I will do it for.
26.)I miss playing the flute.
27.)I can't cook to save my life-and I can't even make jello!
28.)I love the little gestures people do waaayyy more than extravagant ones.
29.)I have to fall asleep on my side curled up with either my head on Nick's shoulder or with my hand under my pillow and head.
30.)I have been trying to gain weight since high school (graduated weighing 92 pounds-now at 122).
*and a bonus.. I'm a sucker for anything '80's. The music was awesome and I even love the fashion!*
Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lost. Show all posts
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Like Sheets in The Wind
I was just hit with a random thing that caught me totally off guard. (hence, random.)
I just started a book from my library pile, (which is on my 30/30 list, but that's another entry, another day.) This one is Animal Farm by George Orwell, and was on my (and probably everyone else's,) middle school reading list.
The first page was a summary of his life. One page. Nothing more, nothing less. And the thing that struck me is, how a life could be summarized in just a single sheet of paper, from birth to death. Someday that might be all that survives to tell of the person that lived, breathed and occupied a place on this planet for half a decade. How very sad.
And worse, what about the people who never warrant the opportunity for any kind of written history of their presence? All those stories, events, lessons learned.. scattered to the wind to be forgotten about? Although, how can you forget something that was never tangible?
I just started a book from my library pile, (which is on my 30/30 list, but that's another entry, another day.) This one is Animal Farm by George Orwell, and was on my (and probably everyone else's,) middle school reading list.
The first page was a summary of his life. One page. Nothing more, nothing less. And the thing that struck me is, how a life could be summarized in just a single sheet of paper, from birth to death. Someday that might be all that survives to tell of the person that lived, breathed and occupied a place on this planet for half a decade. How very sad.
And worse, what about the people who never warrant the opportunity for any kind of written history of their presence? All those stories, events, lessons learned.. scattered to the wind to be forgotten about? Although, how can you forget something that was never tangible?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Losing my grip...
So, yeah. I'm totally losing it. And not even in the fun way, where I get to see pink unicorns and blue elephants chasing a monkey across a rainbow. Although, that would be slightly interesting, and would score me a white coat and a enjoyable bouncy room.
No, no.. this is quite the boring and anticlimactic way. Like, where every dish has to be put 'just right' into the dishwasher. And I can't have piles of ANYTHING anywhere to deal with later. And I have to 'count' my way out of the house every morning, alphabeticalize everything with a title, color coordinate everything in my closet.. etc, etc.
Yes, it's the grand development of OCD. I think people believe I am joking when I say I have it, or think I am exaggerating about things I honestly believe I have to do. Like the walking through every room in the house, making sure everything is in it's place and there's nothing hot left on and nothing small left where it could possibly get into puppy's reach. I just realized that's actually my mantra as I do my walk through before I leave everyday~ "Nothing hot, nothing small...nothing hot, nothing small..."
Which got me thinking. Looking back, (hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?), I can see the progression. Just maybe five, six, maybe seven years ago, I remember just having to check to make sure the stovetop was off and that was that. I never was bothered by a (very) messy living quarters, piles of stuff everywhere, and so on. But, just tonight, I was eating a plate of spaghetti while I was watching Scrubs. And I managed to knock the plate onto the floor and dump my food. I think most people would just clean up the spaghetti and that would be done. No, I cleaned up the spaghetti, and then noticed I had accumulated stuff on my dresser. I straightened that up and then proceeded to clean the entire room until everything was in it's precise, designated position. And then, when I took my dishes to the kitchen, started cleaning the counters until I forced myself to say, 'No, it's one o'clock in the morning. This can wait until tomorrow.'
And, it's become a rapid progression as of late. Earlier this year, I had had enough of my anxiety attacks, and went to the doctor. She prescribed something for them and said it would also help with my OCD symptoms as well,
Boy, was she ever wrong. My anxiety behaviors grew ten times worse, my trichotillomania came back active full force, and my OCD has skyrocketed.
I did stop the medicine just about a month in. But it's not making anything go back to 'normal'. Which scares me.
If I've gotten this, 'precise' for lack of a better word by the time I'm in my mid-twenties... what could it possibly be like for me when I'm thirty? Heck with that, what about in a year?
Dear readers, do any of you deal with this? Do you have any decent suggestions for me? Do you think I'm losing it? Any constructive criticism you have, I'll gladly listen...
Now, I'm going to go to bed before I think of something else that I HAVE to check or clean.. hope you all are having a good morning/day/night... which ever applies as you are reading this.
No, no.. this is quite the boring and anticlimactic way. Like, where every dish has to be put 'just right' into the dishwasher. And I can't have piles of ANYTHING anywhere to deal with later. And I have to 'count' my way out of the house every morning, alphabeticalize everything with a title, color coordinate everything in my closet.. etc, etc.
Yes, it's the grand development of OCD. I think people believe I am joking when I say I have it, or think I am exaggerating about things I honestly believe I have to do. Like the walking through every room in the house, making sure everything is in it's place and there's nothing hot left on and nothing small left where it could possibly get into puppy's reach. I just realized that's actually my mantra as I do my walk through before I leave everyday~ "Nothing hot, nothing small...nothing hot, nothing small..."
Which got me thinking. Looking back, (hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?), I can see the progression. Just maybe five, six, maybe seven years ago, I remember just having to check to make sure the stovetop was off and that was that. I never was bothered by a (very) messy living quarters, piles of stuff everywhere, and so on. But, just tonight, I was eating a plate of spaghetti while I was watching Scrubs. And I managed to knock the plate onto the floor and dump my food. I think most people would just clean up the spaghetti and that would be done. No, I cleaned up the spaghetti, and then noticed I had accumulated stuff on my dresser. I straightened that up and then proceeded to clean the entire room until everything was in it's precise, designated position. And then, when I took my dishes to the kitchen, started cleaning the counters until I forced myself to say, 'No, it's one o'clock in the morning. This can wait until tomorrow.'
And, it's become a rapid progression as of late. Earlier this year, I had had enough of my anxiety attacks, and went to the doctor. She prescribed something for them and said it would also help with my OCD symptoms as well,
Boy, was she ever wrong. My anxiety behaviors grew ten times worse, my trichotillomania came back active full force, and my OCD has skyrocketed.
I did stop the medicine just about a month in. But it's not making anything go back to 'normal'. Which scares me.
If I've gotten this, 'precise' for lack of a better word by the time I'm in my mid-twenties... what could it possibly be like for me when I'm thirty? Heck with that, what about in a year?
Dear readers, do any of you deal with this? Do you have any decent suggestions for me? Do you think I'm losing it? Any constructive criticism you have, I'll gladly listen...
Now, I'm going to go to bed before I think of something else that I HAVE to check or clean.. hope you all are having a good morning/day/night... which ever applies as you are reading this.
Friday, April 8, 2011
The lost has been found!
Woohoo!
After two days, my lost car keys have made their way back to my possession! Yay! *insert happy dance here*
I asked one of my friends, who is a CSM, if she could look in the front office to see if they were turned in yet. And a little while later, she came to my counter with them in her hand! The kicker? They were put in the 'regular' lost and found, instead of the office where keys and other 'personal' stuff goes. So they could have been there pretty much all along and our seperation could have been much shorter. Grrrr!
But, all's well that ends well, I suppose! They are mine again! And even better, I have Nick's key back again. He JUST gave it to me a couple weeks ago, and I was feeling horrible that I had lost it. This is the first time that I've actually lost them, usually I find myself *almost* losing them but realizing it before it actually happens.
So, yeah. *happy dancing still* Awesome! And now, I must lay down and try to crash so I can be at work in eight hours..
After two days, my lost car keys have made their way back to my possession! Yay! *insert happy dance here*
I asked one of my friends, who is a CSM, if she could look in the front office to see if they were turned in yet. And a little while later, she came to my counter with them in her hand! The kicker? They were put in the 'regular' lost and found, instead of the office where keys and other 'personal' stuff goes. So they could have been there pretty much all along and our seperation could have been much shorter. Grrrr!
But, all's well that ends well, I suppose! They are mine again! And even better, I have Nick's key back again. He JUST gave it to me a couple weeks ago, and I was feeling horrible that I had lost it. This is the first time that I've actually lost them, usually I find myself *almost* losing them but realizing it before it actually happens.
So, yeah. *happy dancing still* Awesome! And now, I must lay down and try to crash so I can be at work in eight hours..
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Having a hard time getting over someone..
I wish I could rewind time, and make up with someone that I spent many an awesome time with last year.. but I can't. And it sucks.
My best friend told me that it'd get better, and I'd move past it, and it's his loss. But seriously, she's been my best friend for twenty years, she's a bit biased and is supposed to say stuff like that.
How do others in this situation move on, and forget about someone? I can't see how others do it, pretend that someone else just doesn't exist anymore and have no urge to talk to them or to try to make things better and move on.
Constructive suggestions are totally welcome...
My best friend told me that it'd get better, and I'd move past it, and it's his loss. But seriously, she's been my best friend for twenty years, she's a bit biased and is supposed to say stuff like that.
How do others in this situation move on, and forget about someone? I can't see how others do it, pretend that someone else just doesn't exist anymore and have no urge to talk to them or to try to make things better and move on.
Constructive suggestions are totally welcome...
Friday, January 28, 2011
New Year, but same rut :(
I've been thinking lately, and wondering how I could have so screwed up a friendship with someone that I care about deeply so badly that it seems far past being fixable?
It seems the more I try to make amends, the worse it becomes. Every time, I think there's no possible way to make it worse~somehow I do.
We just had such AMAZING chemistry and got along wonderfully from the first time we met.. most people who know me, know I don't allow myself to feel much for others or believe in 'soul mates', but with this person I felt like I had known him for centuries, and through many past lives... And there's only been a few people, friends or otherwise, who I've EVER felt that way about.. and I am still friends with them, after 10-15-20 years. But somehow, in nine months time, I went from actually meeting him on here to being de-friended by him in both real-life and apparently on facebook..
I don't know..maybe I am just a sucky friend.. too selfish, self-centered? Is there no hope for me? It seems to me that he's already moved on from even our friendship, and I'm stuck moping for what I wrecked. I know there are far too many situations I could'a handled better, things I could;a explained better, or even said at all..
He always made me tongue-tied though, made my heart skip a beat.. and I am so very sorry for the horribly way I treated him. I miss his friendship :(
It seems the more I try to make amends, the worse it becomes. Every time, I think there's no possible way to make it worse~somehow I do.
We just had such AMAZING chemistry and got along wonderfully from the first time we met.. most people who know me, know I don't allow myself to feel much for others or believe in 'soul mates', but with this person I felt like I had known him for centuries, and through many past lives... And there's only been a few people, friends or otherwise, who I've EVER felt that way about.. and I am still friends with them, after 10-15-20 years. But somehow, in nine months time, I went from actually meeting him on here to being de-friended by him in both real-life and apparently on facebook..
I don't know..maybe I am just a sucky friend.. too selfish, self-centered? Is there no hope for me? It seems to me that he's already moved on from even our friendship, and I'm stuck moping for what I wrecked. I know there are far too many situations I could'a handled better, things I could;a explained better, or even said at all..
He always made me tongue-tied though, made my heart skip a beat.. and I am so very sorry for the horribly way I treated him. I miss his friendship :(
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