MMMbop just came on the '90's Hits station. Every time I hear this song, it makes me instantly happy because it reminds me of my 14th birthday, when Joshua brought me a present. He presented the Middle of Nowhere CD to me, saying, "I touched this just for you. Happy Birthday!"
Now, THAT'S a true friend! :P
(And I then proceeded to play it so much that I both made it unplayable, and my dad said he'd do something drastic to it if I didn't stop playing MMMbop all the time! lol)
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Okay what the third thing going to be....?
Huh. I just found out last night that my ex-fiance' passed away. I don't know what to think about it. I mean, it was a horrid relationship and things didn't end well. But still, he was a fellow human being, too young to go. And he was a big part of my life, a long time ago.
Aren't we too young for this yet??
R.I.P. Jay, you'll be missed.
(Oh, and since I hadn't had the chance to write about it, the first thing was that my aunt's husband passed away the end of last week.. :-( )
Aren't we too young for this yet??
R.I.P. Jay, you'll be missed.
(Oh, and since I hadn't had the chance to write about it, the first thing was that my aunt's husband passed away the end of last week.. :-( )
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Inspiration for the New Year
My Facebook status from earlier: "is about to throw out what is wasteful and abandon unsuccessful situations, replacing them with something more solid and useful... Including both material and immaterial things. (Perfect time to be inspired for such a movement, with the new year tomorrow!)"
This year was something else, especially relationship-wise. Certain people that I was sure would move on, (and I was told by others that it was inevitable,) haven't. At the same time, people I thought I was close to and didn't foresee an ending or fading from have gone down other paths in life-ranging from moving cross country to having new babies to new relationships. Not really any one's fault, per se', but these changes tend to affect people and the way they can spend their time and attention. Which is totally understandable and I'm happy for my friends and the new opportunities coming their way, but also saddened by the fact of the distance and lacking closeness.
This year did bring about a few surprising developments in friendships, from closeness with people I've known for years casually to awesome friends that I've made just in the last year.
I think one of my New Year's resolutions is to let go of my hopes for remaining as close to some people as I've been in the past when my efforts aren't returned and instead, spend my energy building my friendships of those in my life's present day. Not to say that I'll cut them out of my life entirely-but that I should stop living in the past and look ahead to the future and where things are now.
Really, I guess it just comes down to that I'm done bending over backwards to keep certain people in my life. It comes down to one simple truth...either I matter to them or I don't. And the last six months have really helped to show me which category most of my friend's and acquaintances fall into.
I wish all of my friends, family, acquaintances and blog readers a Happy New Year, and that you can accomplish everything you want and have the best time of your life!
This year was something else, especially relationship-wise. Certain people that I was sure would move on, (and I was told by others that it was inevitable,) haven't. At the same time, people I thought I was close to and didn't foresee an ending or fading from have gone down other paths in life-ranging from moving cross country to having new babies to new relationships. Not really any one's fault, per se', but these changes tend to affect people and the way they can spend their time and attention. Which is totally understandable and I'm happy for my friends and the new opportunities coming their way, but also saddened by the fact of the distance and lacking closeness.
This year did bring about a few surprising developments in friendships, from closeness with people I've known for years casually to awesome friends that I've made just in the last year.
I think one of my New Year's resolutions is to let go of my hopes for remaining as close to some people as I've been in the past when my efforts aren't returned and instead, spend my energy building my friendships of those in my life's present day. Not to say that I'll cut them out of my life entirely-but that I should stop living in the past and look ahead to the future and where things are now.
Really, I guess it just comes down to that I'm done bending over backwards to keep certain people in my life. It comes down to one simple truth...either I matter to them or I don't. And the last six months have really helped to show me which category most of my friend's and acquaintances fall into.
I wish all of my friends, family, acquaintances and blog readers a Happy New Year, and that you can accomplish everything you want and have the best time of your life!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
The Pivotal Point Between 'Like' and 'Love'
Okay. I've been thinking about relationships, and love. The latter, as you may recall, I am not in a believing state of right now.
More specifically, I've been wondering about what makes a person go from 'liking' someone to 'loving' them? I know it's not a conscious decision or, dear lord, shouldn't be, but what mentally 'clicks' and makes the leap?
Like, my ex-fiance. Nope, never did love him. I think the whole, 'Dating a month, he gives me a promise ring..dating three months he tries giving me an engagement ring (which I managed to refuse for at least a year..), going psychotic and stalking me when I tried breaking it off, yeah that didn't lend well to the cause.
Or the guy I dated before that, which was the complete opposite for me. I had just started working at Wal-Mart. He was an unloader, who I kinda flirted with back and forth with for a little while. Then, I remember it pretty clearly, (scary how so, really,). I was looking at the schedule board after a break, and he came up to me and said, "You know, I've not done this before, but would you like to have dinner this weekend?"
Knowing him since, I totally call b.s. on this one (not doing it before), but I didn't know any better then! Anyway..
A couple months later, we were dating. We went to break together. After break, when we were going in two different directions to work, I wasn't thinking about anything consciously, when I said, "Love you, later!"
And we BOTH stopped in our tracks. Me, because apparently something went haywire in my brain and him, because well, that's obvious. He asked, "What did you just say?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. I should go to work now.." I tried to just move on from that.. but he wouldn't let me for a few minutes.. evil, evil bastard had too much fun with it. Fast forward a bit of dating history, and..
Anyway, all's well that ends well, I suppose. We're friends now, and it's kind of scary he's evolved into a married family guy.. totally at odds with what I knew him as in the beginning!
Now, back from memory lane to the topic at hand. How does it work for you? Do you sit down and think about things? Do you just follow your heart and exclude your brain?
Are you like me, and don't let yourself believe in it? Or are you the total opposite, and fall right away?
I'm so very curious, and people fascinate me. I'd love your input, dear friends!
More specifically, I've been wondering about what makes a person go from 'liking' someone to 'loving' them? I know it's not a conscious decision or, dear lord, shouldn't be, but what mentally 'clicks' and makes the leap?
Like, my ex-fiance. Nope, never did love him. I think the whole, 'Dating a month, he gives me a promise ring..dating three months he tries giving me an engagement ring (which I managed to refuse for at least a year..), going psychotic and stalking me when I tried breaking it off, yeah that didn't lend well to the cause.
Or the guy I dated before that, which was the complete opposite for me. I had just started working at Wal-Mart. He was an unloader, who I kinda flirted with back and forth with for a little while. Then, I remember it pretty clearly, (scary how so, really,). I was looking at the schedule board after a break, and he came up to me and said, "You know, I've not done this before, but would you like to have dinner this weekend?"
Knowing him since, I totally call b.s. on this one (not doing it before), but I didn't know any better then! Anyway..
A couple months later, we were dating. We went to break together. After break, when we were going in two different directions to work, I wasn't thinking about anything consciously, when I said, "Love you, later!"
And we BOTH stopped in our tracks. Me, because apparently something went haywire in my brain and him, because well, that's obvious. He asked, "What did you just say?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. I should go to work now.." I tried to just move on from that.. but he wouldn't let me for a few minutes.. evil, evil bastard had too much fun with it. Fast forward a bit of dating history, and..
Anyway, all's well that ends well, I suppose. We're friends now, and it's kind of scary he's evolved into a married family guy.. totally at odds with what I knew him as in the beginning!
Now, back from memory lane to the topic at hand. How does it work for you? Do you sit down and think about things? Do you just follow your heart and exclude your brain?
Are you like me, and don't let yourself believe in it? Or are you the total opposite, and fall right away?
I'm so very curious, and people fascinate me. I'd love your input, dear friends!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Photo Challenge: Day Ten
Day Ten: A picture of something you hate
(Story will come sometime by the end of Wednesday, short on time right now :-) )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
April 28th, 2011
11:06 a.m.
My lovely readers, please forgive me for not meeting my own deadline on giving the story as to why I can't STAND this disgusting fruit. It actually would've been even later before you got the lowdown, but a lovely friend sent me a cute message on Facebook about it, so it here it goes:
It was the the late '80's, and I was probably five-ish. My mom worked at the U of I, so before school I went to a babysitter down the hall. Her name was Bernice and she wasn't really all that fun that I can remember. What I do remember is she would make me a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and would always chop up a LOT of bananas for it.
I either didn't have much penchant for them already, or I got banana overload, but this quickly fell into my 'no way, not happening' list. You know, or whatever little kids call it.
I don't know if many parents/caregivers do it anymore, but this was still the age of, "Eat everything on your plate, or you're not getting up from the table." Apparently I was a bit crafty and/or she was a bit slow in catching on, for after awhile, I started dumping my bowl of yucky cereal and mushy bananas into the cookie jar in the middle of the kitchen table while she was watching TV in the living room.
And to this day, I can't even stand the smell of the disgusting things. Bleeechhhhh!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Losing my grip...
So, yeah. I'm totally losing it. And not even in the fun way, where I get to see pink unicorns and blue elephants chasing a monkey across a rainbow. Although, that would be slightly interesting, and would score me a white coat and a enjoyable bouncy room.
No, no.. this is quite the boring and anticlimactic way. Like, where every dish has to be put 'just right' into the dishwasher. And I can't have piles of ANYTHING anywhere to deal with later. And I have to 'count' my way out of the house every morning, alphabeticalize everything with a title, color coordinate everything in my closet.. etc, etc.
Yes, it's the grand development of OCD. I think people believe I am joking when I say I have it, or think I am exaggerating about things I honestly believe I have to do. Like the walking through every room in the house, making sure everything is in it's place and there's nothing hot left on and nothing small left where it could possibly get into puppy's reach. I just realized that's actually my mantra as I do my walk through before I leave everyday~ "Nothing hot, nothing small...nothing hot, nothing small..."
Which got me thinking. Looking back, (hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?), I can see the progression. Just maybe five, six, maybe seven years ago, I remember just having to check to make sure the stovetop was off and that was that. I never was bothered by a (very) messy living quarters, piles of stuff everywhere, and so on. But, just tonight, I was eating a plate of spaghetti while I was watching Scrubs. And I managed to knock the plate onto the floor and dump my food. I think most people would just clean up the spaghetti and that would be done. No, I cleaned up the spaghetti, and then noticed I had accumulated stuff on my dresser. I straightened that up and then proceeded to clean the entire room until everything was in it's precise, designated position. And then, when I took my dishes to the kitchen, started cleaning the counters until I forced myself to say, 'No, it's one o'clock in the morning. This can wait until tomorrow.'
And, it's become a rapid progression as of late. Earlier this year, I had had enough of my anxiety attacks, and went to the doctor. She prescribed something for them and said it would also help with my OCD symptoms as well,
Boy, was she ever wrong. My anxiety behaviors grew ten times worse, my trichotillomania came back active full force, and my OCD has skyrocketed.
I did stop the medicine just about a month in. But it's not making anything go back to 'normal'. Which scares me.
If I've gotten this, 'precise' for lack of a better word by the time I'm in my mid-twenties... what could it possibly be like for me when I'm thirty? Heck with that, what about in a year?
Dear readers, do any of you deal with this? Do you have any decent suggestions for me? Do you think I'm losing it? Any constructive criticism you have, I'll gladly listen...
Now, I'm going to go to bed before I think of something else that I HAVE to check or clean.. hope you all are having a good morning/day/night... which ever applies as you are reading this.
No, no.. this is quite the boring and anticlimactic way. Like, where every dish has to be put 'just right' into the dishwasher. And I can't have piles of ANYTHING anywhere to deal with later. And I have to 'count' my way out of the house every morning, alphabeticalize everything with a title, color coordinate everything in my closet.. etc, etc.
Yes, it's the grand development of OCD. I think people believe I am joking when I say I have it, or think I am exaggerating about things I honestly believe I have to do. Like the walking through every room in the house, making sure everything is in it's place and there's nothing hot left on and nothing small left where it could possibly get into puppy's reach. I just realized that's actually my mantra as I do my walk through before I leave everyday~ "Nothing hot, nothing small...nothing hot, nothing small..."
Which got me thinking. Looking back, (hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?), I can see the progression. Just maybe five, six, maybe seven years ago, I remember just having to check to make sure the stovetop was off and that was that. I never was bothered by a (very) messy living quarters, piles of stuff everywhere, and so on. But, just tonight, I was eating a plate of spaghetti while I was watching Scrubs. And I managed to knock the plate onto the floor and dump my food. I think most people would just clean up the spaghetti and that would be done. No, I cleaned up the spaghetti, and then noticed I had accumulated stuff on my dresser. I straightened that up and then proceeded to clean the entire room until everything was in it's precise, designated position. And then, when I took my dishes to the kitchen, started cleaning the counters until I forced myself to say, 'No, it's one o'clock in the morning. This can wait until tomorrow.'
And, it's become a rapid progression as of late. Earlier this year, I had had enough of my anxiety attacks, and went to the doctor. She prescribed something for them and said it would also help with my OCD symptoms as well,
Boy, was she ever wrong. My anxiety behaviors grew ten times worse, my trichotillomania came back active full force, and my OCD has skyrocketed.
I did stop the medicine just about a month in. But it's not making anything go back to 'normal'. Which scares me.
If I've gotten this, 'precise' for lack of a better word by the time I'm in my mid-twenties... what could it possibly be like for me when I'm thirty? Heck with that, what about in a year?
Dear readers, do any of you deal with this? Do you have any decent suggestions for me? Do you think I'm losing it? Any constructive criticism you have, I'll gladly listen...
Now, I'm going to go to bed before I think of something else that I HAVE to check or clean.. hope you all are having a good morning/day/night... which ever applies as you are reading this.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Miss Independent-willingly or just for survival?
With some things currently going on in my life, I got to thinking about how my friends say (or just know) that I am so independent and say that I need to let others lend support and a helping hand more often.
But, the other disjointed thought with that is: am I independent because I WANT to be? Or because I've learned that I HAVE to be?
I have yet to find someone that is willing to go the extra mile and be there when I really need something (usually more emotional or mental support than anything tangible). I mean, I have my awesome best friend of 20 years, Jenny.. but I'm talking about in the dating realm. It just seems easier to trudge along counting on only myself to get through whatever, and deal with issues on my own rather than to cross my fingers and hope that the person I am dating will come through when I really need them to.
But, the other disjointed thought with that is: am I independent because I WANT to be? Or because I've learned that I HAVE to be?
I have yet to find someone that is willing to go the extra mile and be there when I really need something (usually more emotional or mental support than anything tangible). I mean, I have my awesome best friend of 20 years, Jenny.. but I'm talking about in the dating realm. It just seems easier to trudge along counting on only myself to get through whatever, and deal with issues on my own rather than to cross my fingers and hope that the person I am dating will come through when I really need them to.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
In loving memory.. Jeff Schipper-1960-2010
I'm having a hard time grasping it. I found out earlier today that the man that I considered my dad for over half of my childhood passed away about a week ago. The news is hitting me harder than I ever thought it could.. and I know it's just a small part of what his real kids and family are going through.
I hadn't talked to him in years, ever since him and my mother split, but I still consider him the man that was there in my life who shared parenting with my mom from the time I was 6 to when I was 17. When he was home from the road, he picked up the slack that my own father had left. He was vital in helping shape who I have turned into today. He helped teach me how to ride a bike. How to clean house. He demanded respect, and taught me how to respect others. He stood his ground when a few of my high school boyfriend's crossed the line in relating to me.
He was a grand man. Might not have been by blood, but he was strong, independent, and awesome. And, for the most part, he treated me just like his own kids. We might not have been a typical family, but some of my favorite childhood memories involve some summers of us five kids and mom and Jeff all in one house, with Friday/Saturday night pizza nights when he got home from working, and watching him work in the shed, to getting rides in the semi. My first memories that involve him was when it was nighttime and he needed to get to work. I'd wake up, slung over his shoulder bouncing along as he carried me to the car. (Being that I couldn't be left home alone while mom took him to work (we had one car at the time).
My regret? Being a pain in the ass teenager, not trying to show him what I felt and how thankful I was that he was there. I know he was nowhere near perfect, and we had nowhere near the perfect 'family' life.. but we made it work.
For some reason, this is the song that's been stuck in my head all day in reference to writing something in memorial of him.
(And, whenever I hear a semi or smell diesel.. it actually brings back my memories from being a kid, in a fond way.)
And to my 'unofficial' step-sibilngs, thanks for treating me like the pain in the butt little sister I was. If you ever need anything, I'm here, just ask.
I hadn't talked to him in years, ever since him and my mother split, but I still consider him the man that was there in my life who shared parenting with my mom from the time I was 6 to when I was 17. When he was home from the road, he picked up the slack that my own father had left. He was vital in helping shape who I have turned into today. He helped teach me how to ride a bike. How to clean house. He demanded respect, and taught me how to respect others. He stood his ground when a few of my high school boyfriend's crossed the line in relating to me.
He was a grand man. Might not have been by blood, but he was strong, independent, and awesome. And, for the most part, he treated me just like his own kids. We might not have been a typical family, but some of my favorite childhood memories involve some summers of us five kids and mom and Jeff all in one house, with Friday/Saturday night pizza nights when he got home from working, and watching him work in the shed, to getting rides in the semi. My first memories that involve him was when it was nighttime and he needed to get to work. I'd wake up, slung over his shoulder bouncing along as he carried me to the car. (Being that I couldn't be left home alone while mom took him to work (we had one car at the time).
My regret? Being a pain in the ass teenager, not trying to show him what I felt and how thankful I was that he was there. I know he was nowhere near perfect, and we had nowhere near the perfect 'family' life.. but we made it work.
For some reason, this is the song that's been stuck in my head all day in reference to writing something in memorial of him.
(And, whenever I hear a semi or smell diesel.. it actually brings back my memories from being a kid, in a fond way.)
And to my 'unofficial' step-sibilngs, thanks for treating me like the pain in the butt little sister I was. If you ever need anything, I'm here, just ask.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Does He Love You by Reba Feat. Linda Davis
Music is my life.. I talk about it constantly, probably too much if you ask my friends!
This song would be one of the reasons why... or really, one piece of proof that music has always been a part of me, and has been a passion of mine since I learned how to talk. Even though I no idea what the song meant when I was six, I belted it out word for word-and my second mom always thought I was good..at least she told me I was. Now that I am almost 26, the picture is becoming clearer and clearer. Anymore though, I don't sing aloud around anyone. I know I suck, and don't want to subject anyone noise like that!
Does He Love You-Reba
I have known the lyrics by heart to this song for as long as I can remember.. and have had the tape (yes, cassette) since the album was released in 1993. Granted, the quality of the recording isn't the best anymore. The last time I played it, the first 30 seconds, Reba sounded as though she was singing under water. But, until tonight, I never thought to listen to the song on any other form of media than that well-worn, cracked cased, loved tape.
This song would be one of the reasons why... or really, one piece of proof that music has always been a part of me, and has been a passion of mine since I learned how to talk. Even though I no idea what the song meant when I was six, I belted it out word for word-and my second mom always thought I was good..at least she told me I was. Now that I am almost 26, the picture is becoming clearer and clearer. Anymore though, I don't sing aloud around anyone. I know I suck, and don't want to subject anyone noise like that!
Does He Love You-Reba
I have known the lyrics by heart to this song for as long as I can remember.. and have had the tape (yes, cassette) since the album was released in 1993. Granted, the quality of the recording isn't the best anymore. The last time I played it, the first 30 seconds, Reba sounded as though she was singing under water. But, until tonight, I never thought to listen to the song on any other form of media than that well-worn, cracked cased, loved tape.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Minor annoyances..
Augghhh! Seriously, I maybe investing in a nun's habit soon! I'm sooo done with dating & relationships right now!
Remember the ex that I mentioned to you, dear reader? The one from the show.. the one who has issues that I dated last year? After all the craziness he displayed, and the trust that was shattered.. I had elected to just stay casual friends with him.
He KNEW that was all that I wanted, and all that he was going to get..
He just had to push it.. He emailed me an invitation to a romantic dinner last weekend.
"...comes forth to request the presence of Seana Pierce for a romantic night for two.Sunday April 25,2010 at 7:00pm.To the Classy Cafe Down Off the Street.Including from the grill fresh T-bone steak,baked potato,macaroni salad and green beans.Food to make your mouth water.Under candle lit conditions to calm your soul.Music to sooth the savage beast with in.Flowers for solace.A smile that warms your hart awaits your acceptance." (Not to mention all the spelling & grammatical errors that made me cringe..)
This is where it comes in that I hate hurting people no matter what they've done in the past.. I never answered it, a small part of me hoping that he would just forget the idea I guess.
Not so lucky. After the show last night, the idea must've lodged further in his ill-functioning brain.. he sent me a message asking my response. I declined, saying that I wanted to stay friends & maybe work on maintaining the friendship/shattered trust than to reinstate dating with such a rocky, non-existent foundation that would be doomed to failure anyway, because my faith & trust in him was gone. His responses were as follows:
April 21 at 10:29pm
Thanks for working & talking it out with me too.I'm glad its all about you. Thanks to for stompin' on my hart again it feels really good! Just block me :( .
April 21 at 11:53pm Report
All right...thanks for at least telling me this time.Much better.Kudos to you.Thank you.
Just a few weeks ago we where talking kids and all that.Now a short time later,nothing again.I'm sorry about the whole alpha bullshit.
I've "dated/relationship" with you and if that is how you treat me...then I don't really want to be a "friend".You didn't even say hi or bye at the show.You don't really talk to me anyway.Your talking to the *Smiths* again and all your new friends.You don't need or want me around.I know when to take a hint.I served my role( not very well)I don't want you to hurt me again.
Sorry,I'll be angry and broken harted but who cares?I'll get over it again sooner or later.I'll just stay away from you.
So you know I'm blocking you.I guess I'll leave yahoo open for a rainy day.I'll lose your number as well...I wouldn't want you to have to change your number cuz I told you "I love you".You don't talk to me anyway.You don't even love me.I wont go to any more Snow Demon or Burnout shows...so you don't have to worry about me. You really never needed me for much of anything anyway.Well have fun in your adventure with your life.Good Bye Seana Pierce
I'm the pariah who walks the path...
Okay, dear reader.. let's break this disillusioned correspondence up in more manageable pieces, shall we?
Paragraph(ish) one.. I didn't realize that I had to clear everything I thought, felt or wanted through anyone who offered me a dinner invitation? If that's the case, than I am surely screwed.. and not in a good way. And stompin' on his heart? Please... This is the guy that can magically 'turn his emotions & feelings' off and on at a whim. I can't imagine he was that invested when we were actually dating last year, let alone now.
Paragraph Two.. I don't know who he was 'talking kids' with a couple of weeks ago, but it sure wasn't me. The last time we had any conversation anywhere near that topic was late last year.. Okay, maybe he's a *tad* sorry for the 'alpha bullshit'- but after I found out what I did today, I doubt it.
Paragraph Three.. He sounds like a verbal version of a broken red, rubber ball. So many partial thoughts in there that make no sense, and put together like that just hurts my brain. I didn't say an 'official' hi or bye to many of my friends that were there, but they aren't chewing me out. I think I need some more enlightenment on this paragraph in order for me to even care about my side of it... oh, besides the fact that he talks about my friends like they make all my decisions for me & run my life... gah. So not the case. They're not the reason I broke up with him- he is. *Note.. I changed the last name of the friends that he mentioned..*
Paragraph Four.. A bad version of a pity party, meant to tug on my heart strings. Jo Dee Messina's 'My Give A Damn's Busted' comes to mind.
Paragraph Five.. More pity party, meant to be controlling, demeaning and aggressive. Yeah, I see right through it. I know what's going on. He's trying to make it all my fault that things didn't work out, and whatever. As for him not showing up to the shows? I don't believe it. That's one of his major 'claim to fame's' that he knows those bands, and is 'unofficial' member that helps with set up, tear down, van mechanics, etc..
But, you know what? I'm done with him. I've purged all of this out, and am not going to waste another word or thought on him. I have awesome friends that I love, and a pretty decent life, all things considered.
That's all on this, dear reader!
Remember the ex that I mentioned to you, dear reader? The one from the show.. the one who has issues that I dated last year? After all the craziness he displayed, and the trust that was shattered.. I had elected to just stay casual friends with him.
He KNEW that was all that I wanted, and all that he was going to get..
He just had to push it.. He emailed me an invitation to a romantic dinner last weekend.
"...comes forth to request the presence of Seana Pierce for a romantic night for two.Sunday April 25,2010 at 7:00pm.To the Classy Cafe Down Off the Street.Including from the grill fresh T-bone steak,baked potato,macaroni salad and green beans.Food to make your mouth water.Under candle lit conditions to calm your soul.Music to sooth the savage beast with in.Flowers for solace.A smile that warms your hart awaits your acceptance." (Not to mention all the spelling & grammatical errors that made me cringe..)
This is where it comes in that I hate hurting people no matter what they've done in the past.. I never answered it, a small part of me hoping that he would just forget the idea I guess.
Not so lucky. After the show last night, the idea must've lodged further in his ill-functioning brain.. he sent me a message asking my response. I declined, saying that I wanted to stay friends & maybe work on maintaining the friendship/shattered trust than to reinstate dating with such a rocky, non-existent foundation that would be doomed to failure anyway, because my faith & trust in him was gone. His responses were as follows:
April 21 at 10:29pm
Thanks for working & talking it out with me too.I'm glad its all about you. Thanks to for stompin' on my hart again it feels really good! Just block me :( .
April 21 at 11:53pm Report
All right...thanks for at least telling me this time.Much better.Kudos to you.Thank you.
Just a few weeks ago we where talking kids and all that.Now a short time later,nothing again.I'm sorry about the whole alpha bullshit.
I've "dated/relationship" with you and if that is how you treat me...then I don't really want to be a "friend".You didn't even say hi or bye at the show.You don't really talk to me anyway.Your talking to the *Smiths* again and all your new friends.You don't need or want me around.I know when to take a hint.I served my role( not very well)I don't want you to hurt me again.
Sorry,I'll be angry and broken harted but who cares?I'll get over it again sooner or later.I'll just stay away from you.
So you know I'm blocking you.I guess I'll leave yahoo open for a rainy day.I'll lose your number as well...I wouldn't want you to have to change your number cuz I told you "I love you".You don't talk to me anyway.You don't even love me.I wont go to any more Snow Demon or Burnout shows...so you don't have to worry about me. You really never needed me for much of anything anyway.Well have fun in your adventure with your life.Good Bye Seana Pierce
I'm the pariah who walks the path...
Okay, dear reader.. let's break this disillusioned correspondence up in more manageable pieces, shall we?
Paragraph(ish) one.. I didn't realize that I had to clear everything I thought, felt or wanted through anyone who offered me a dinner invitation? If that's the case, than I am surely screwed.. and not in a good way. And stompin' on his heart? Please... This is the guy that can magically 'turn his emotions & feelings' off and on at a whim. I can't imagine he was that invested when we were actually dating last year, let alone now.
Paragraph Two.. I don't know who he was 'talking kids' with a couple of weeks ago, but it sure wasn't me. The last time we had any conversation anywhere near that topic was late last year.. Okay, maybe he's a *tad* sorry for the 'alpha bullshit'- but after I found out what I did today, I doubt it.
Paragraph Three.. He sounds like a verbal version of a broken red, rubber ball. So many partial thoughts in there that make no sense, and put together like that just hurts my brain. I didn't say an 'official' hi or bye to many of my friends that were there, but they aren't chewing me out. I think I need some more enlightenment on this paragraph in order for me to even care about my side of it... oh, besides the fact that he talks about my friends like they make all my decisions for me & run my life... gah. So not the case. They're not the reason I broke up with him- he is. *Note.. I changed the last name of the friends that he mentioned..*
Paragraph Four.. A bad version of a pity party, meant to tug on my heart strings. Jo Dee Messina's 'My Give A Damn's Busted' comes to mind.
Paragraph Five.. More pity party, meant to be controlling, demeaning and aggressive. Yeah, I see right through it. I know what's going on. He's trying to make it all my fault that things didn't work out, and whatever. As for him not showing up to the shows? I don't believe it. That's one of his major 'claim to fame's' that he knows those bands, and is 'unofficial' member that helps with set up, tear down, van mechanics, etc..
But, you know what? I'm done with him. I've purged all of this out, and am not going to waste another word or thought on him. I have awesome friends that I love, and a pretty decent life, all things considered.
That's all on this, dear reader!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Fairytales should come with warning labels..
Seriously, dear reader, don't you think so?
When you're a little girl, you're constantly read stories like Cinderella & Snow White. Stories where the girl is kissed awake by a handsome, strong prince & they live happily ever after. Stories where the girl gets glass slippers, rides in a beautiful carriage wearing a gorgeous gown and she is loved & well taken care of by said prince, and lives happily ever after.
When you get a little older, you play pretend house, with a mommy & a daddy in a little house with flowers and a doll.. you have your pick of any boy on the playground, have a 'wedding' & happily ever after lasts until the bell rings.
No one ever tells you that it NEVER happens like that in real life. You have to fight over and over, kissing frog after frog.. and occasionally a good prince comes along. However, when they do happen along, one of two things happen: either the guy is way awesome but unchangeable things stand in the way or the prince is really a frog wearing a very handsome suit made out of burlap or shiny suit of armor made out of plated gold.
The latter is what has happened yet again for me. I thought, after hanging out with him so much, talking, and knowing him for so long that I had finally met the one, my prince, my knight in shining armor. Yeah, not so much..
The suit of armor is quickly losing it's luster, the chinks are already starting to show, and the ugly green is coming through.
Who am I talking about..? Why, Derek, of course! I think I must've jinxed it when I wrote my last long entry about my events on Sunday..already, the true colors are coming through. Here's just a FEW examples..
First, during a long conversation today, the topic of 'marking' with hickeys came up.. that he wanted to do it to me if that happened to come about. I said, "Absolutely not..". He got all pissy at me, and asked why. I said, "Because it's trashy & I don't want it done." He reared back from me and immediately accused me of already having someone else on the side & cheating - AND WE AREN'T EVEN DATING!!
Then, we were talking about my newly discovered sexual preferences.. and he made a totally serious comment, something to the effect of, 'Before, you were just Bi-curious.. now I have to deal with you actually bieng Bi?".
I just turned and stared at him.. I couldn't even formulate a response for a few minutes. All I could finally manage was, 'What??'.
He seriously replied, 'Not only do I have to worry about other guys, but I have to be in competition with chicks??' I responded that it is totally two different things, relationships between chicks & guys.. but he didn't seem to get that..
How do you respond to those sorts of attitudes?
Oy.
Note: a bit later, he apologized for letting his 'alpha male' side come out, & went into this whole educational spiel about the pioneers being protected by their men, and the natural instincts of civilized species.. etc, etc..
Yeah, not convinced.. Sayonara Derek!
When you're a little girl, you're constantly read stories like Cinderella & Snow White. Stories where the girl is kissed awake by a handsome, strong prince & they live happily ever after. Stories where the girl gets glass slippers, rides in a beautiful carriage wearing a gorgeous gown and she is loved & well taken care of by said prince, and lives happily ever after.
When you get a little older, you play pretend house, with a mommy & a daddy in a little house with flowers and a doll.. you have your pick of any boy on the playground, have a 'wedding' & happily ever after lasts until the bell rings.
No one ever tells you that it NEVER happens like that in real life. You have to fight over and over, kissing frog after frog.. and occasionally a good prince comes along. However, when they do happen along, one of two things happen: either the guy is way awesome but unchangeable things stand in the way or the prince is really a frog wearing a very handsome suit made out of burlap or shiny suit of armor made out of plated gold.
The latter is what has happened yet again for me. I thought, after hanging out with him so much, talking, and knowing him for so long that I had finally met the one, my prince, my knight in shining armor. Yeah, not so much..
The suit of armor is quickly losing it's luster, the chinks are already starting to show, and the ugly green is coming through.
Who am I talking about..? Why, Derek, of course! I think I must've jinxed it when I wrote my last long entry about my events on Sunday..already, the true colors are coming through. Here's just a FEW examples..
First, during a long conversation today, the topic of 'marking' with hickeys came up.. that he wanted to do it to me if that happened to come about. I said, "Absolutely not..". He got all pissy at me, and asked why. I said, "Because it's trashy & I don't want it done." He reared back from me and immediately accused me of already having someone else on the side & cheating - AND WE AREN'T EVEN DATING!!
Then, we were talking about my newly discovered sexual preferences.. and he made a totally serious comment, something to the effect of, 'Before, you were just Bi-curious.. now I have to deal with you actually bieng Bi?".
I just turned and stared at him.. I couldn't even formulate a response for a few minutes. All I could finally manage was, 'What??'.
He seriously replied, 'Not only do I have to worry about other guys, but I have to be in competition with chicks??' I responded that it is totally two different things, relationships between chicks & guys.. but he didn't seem to get that..
How do you respond to those sorts of attitudes?
Oy.
Note: a bit later, he apologized for letting his 'alpha male' side come out, & went into this whole educational spiel about the pioneers being protected by their men, and the natural instincts of civilized species.. etc, etc..
Yeah, not convinced.. Sayonara Derek!
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Dating Game
Somehow, I keep attracting the weirdo's.. the psycho's.. the crazies who don't know when to quit. I wonder if there's a sign above my head that only brings these types of people to me, a sign that simultaneously repels the normal people?
Seriously. You may think I'm exaggerating, dear reader. I'm not. Let's work through the timeline here & some of the details..
First, let's go back 11 years. That would make me 14, and just ending 9th grade (spring of '98). Enter my first boyfriend, Clint.
Yes, I was 14, and he was 21. He was first my brother's friend, and that's how we met. Nothing ever physical really happened, even though we dated a little more than a year off & on. And looking back now, I'm sure he had other chicks his age while we dated. Which, (you know what?) was fine...
...Because in tenth grade, (fall of '98)while we were dating, a boy named Danny moved to the area. One of the baddest boys our school had ever seen.. and a guy that to, at least last summer, we share immense passion off & on for one another. (As will become evident through this entry, if I am to be at all honest.) Within forty-five minutes of meeting him, we became much more acquainted with one another than Clint and I did over the whole off-on thing. No, we didn't do THAT.. but we did kiss in-depth all the way home on the bus, and then we did some more of that a bit after we arrived back to our neighborhood. Danny was the first guy I'd ever kissed that way, and the first guy I was ever really interested in.. We dated for a week, and then he broke it off, (most likely because I wouldn't do the sex thing..)but we stayed friends.
Fast forward to Feb of '99.. Clint & I were off again.. and lo' and behold, he came home from a weekend away, shamefaced. (This is where I should mention that he lived in a rental property with my brother that my mother & former stepfather owned.) Come to find out, he stayed that weekend with an old high school classmate of his. A few weeks after that, turns out that he found out that he had gotten her pregnant during said weekend. That marked the end of our dating, although not the end of seeing each other almost daily. (Joy, right?) Because, instead of moving out on their own, he moved her in with him! Which, as you could imagine, was a bit of a slap in the face..
I, however, being a sweet girl then, tried being nice to her & befriended her.. although she annoyed the CRAP out of me.. They finally moved to North Carolina together at the tail end of the summer.
In Dec. of '99, I went & stayed the night at my 2nd sis's, Hannah's, place.. in the same town as Danny lived. Him and I snuck away to a barn on the edge of town, and had our second ever make out session.. I don't really feel the need for THAT many details, just the fact that he was a great kisser for a tenth grader is sufficient.
Moving on, I don't remember how I had met him and how we started dating.. but I had my second boyfriend during most of 11th grade..Jeremiah. He ended up dumping me when he met another chic in winter of '01. No, we never had sex.. and yes, she came up pregnant just a few months after we broke up. Hmm... the beginnings of a pattern, emerging?
After that, I didn't date again for the rest of high school. I graduated in '02, and started working at Wal-Mart in October of that year. Not more than a couple weeks after I started there, an unloader and I hit it off VERY well. Steve & I naturally took our breaks together, flirted back & forth, and discussed certain scenes of 8 Mile(which had just came out that year,) at length. I remember when he came up to me when I was looking at the schedule board, and uttered the only 'real' date invitation that I've ever gotten- "Um, yeah, I've never really done this before.. but I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner and a movie sometime soon?"
(Now, that I'm looking back on it, and know what kind of guy he is today.. I'm sure it wasn't the first time he ever did the date invitation...!) And if you were curious, I wore my long denim skirt, with canvas heels, and a hippie top. He made a wonderful spaghetti dinner, & we played Super Mario Brothers, where I kicked his ass!
We ended up dating for about, I wanna say four or five months..? Maybe six.. not much longer than that. Many a make-out session, hanging out & Nintendo-filled evening occurred. He ended up dumping me for the chick that worked in fabrics & crafts.. once again, I think it's because I wasn't to the point that I was ready to do anything more than make out & she was. She was also a drifter, a modern day hippie who eventually moved back to San Fransisco. She was the first chick that I found attractive in more than just a 'friend' way. But, I didn't really realize that at the time.
Now, flash your mind back to the past 'assets' of Wal-Mart.. do you remember when most of them had a eat-in little fast food thing called the Radio Grill? That's where I met my ex-fiance'. He wasn't the type that I usually went for... but maybe that's why I went for him. We would talk back and forth when I would get my food during my breaks, and chat online many times every week... (I just remembered something that I had forgotten until now. In the beginning, I was not interested in Jay like that AT ALL. It was his brother Josh that I was totally digging. Josh was cute, funny & unfortunately into another chick.) So, somehow, Jay and I ended up dating, engaged and I tried to break it off with him a year & a half later, in the summer of '05. Seriously, I don't know how it all progressed that far. He gave me a promise ring after a month & tried to give me an engagement ring after four months. I made him wait on that for awhile before finally accepting it. That was when I found out he wanted me to become a barefoot & constantly pregnant preacher's wife who wouldn't have a say in any of the decisions that would be made. And that was going to start with the wedding, when he wouldn't let me me choose red & white for the colors, because 'red wasn't a proper wedding color'. Instead, he choose yellow..
When I did try to end things with him, he really was having none of it.. He would sit on the hilltop behind my house, watching me come & go.. accusing me of seeing other guys, (which I wasn't,) and bug me incessantly at work.
I ended up back in touch with Steve that June-July, and we went camping with a large group of people at a organized festival that was in the area that August. That was an amazing weekend.. Jay tried to 'keep a hold of me' until September, when I finally decided to leave the state for a week to get away from everything and figure out how I was going to get rid of him. (I went & stayed with Steve in Nebraska..)Easier said than done, however. He followed us all the way over there, (a four & half hour drive,). Then he proceeded to drive all around Lincoln, NE looking for signs of me. When he couldn't find anything after seven hours, he drove back home. That's not all. He then proceeded to hack into my email account to get Steve's email address, then got into his email account to get his phone number, calling over and over...
Staying with Steve is when I met his best friend, Chad.. who was also with him on the camping trip. Steve ended up working almost EVERY day that I was there, even though he had originally had the entire week off. It worked out, however, because Chad and I spent almost every day together that week, morning to night, and some nights to mornings.. The following month, Steve ended up moving back to Iowa, and the month after that, Chad followed as well. We ended up dating for two years, and the only reason we separated was because he had to move back to Nebraska due to unforeseen circumstances.. we finally broke it off in the middle of the summer of '07.
In 2008, I started talking with a guy that worked in the dairy department, and we hung out more and more regularly on breaks and outside of work. Tall, dark, handsome, athletic.. a sight for sore eyes. We ended up having many an 'occasion' together.. I would've been quite content with that arrangement, considering that I was done having relationships for the time being.. except our desires of what came out of the physical aspect didn't match. He wanted a certain act regularly, and I wasn't for it. So, it kinda fizzled out slowly, as the days grew shorter and the leaves left the trees.
During that season's holiday card addressing, I felt the urge to look up an old friend and send him a card saying hi and hoping all was well. I had known Toby since I was very little, but had lost touch with him for a few years. The card did end up making it right to his mailbox, and we started hanging out and getting reaqcainted. We started dating Januray 6th of last year, and went until Christmas Eve, when everything came to a head. I'm not quite ready to go into it all yet, but beginning in the summer, things had started becoming turmoilous. On a side note, Danny came back into the picture a few times over the summer.. on the sly. Doesn't really make me look very good, does it..? :(
However, little did I know, that the new year was going to bring a LOT of changes, new experiences, and new, wonderful people into my life- including Dustin & Crystal..
Seriously. You may think I'm exaggerating, dear reader. I'm not. Let's work through the timeline here & some of the details..
First, let's go back 11 years. That would make me 14, and just ending 9th grade (spring of '98). Enter my first boyfriend, Clint.
Yes, I was 14, and he was 21. He was first my brother's friend, and that's how we met. Nothing ever physical really happened, even though we dated a little more than a year off & on. And looking back now, I'm sure he had other chicks his age while we dated. Which, (you know what?) was fine...
...Because in tenth grade, (fall of '98)while we were dating, a boy named Danny moved to the area. One of the baddest boys our school had ever seen.. and a guy that to, at least last summer, we share immense passion off & on for one another. (As will become evident through this entry, if I am to be at all honest.) Within forty-five minutes of meeting him, we became much more acquainted with one another than Clint and I did over the whole off-on thing. No, we didn't do THAT.. but we did kiss in-depth all the way home on the bus, and then we did some more of that a bit after we arrived back to our neighborhood. Danny was the first guy I'd ever kissed that way, and the first guy I was ever really interested in.. We dated for a week, and then he broke it off, (most likely because I wouldn't do the sex thing..)but we stayed friends.
Fast forward to Feb of '99.. Clint & I were off again.. and lo' and behold, he came home from a weekend away, shamefaced. (This is where I should mention that he lived in a rental property with my brother that my mother & former stepfather owned.) Come to find out, he stayed that weekend with an old high school classmate of his. A few weeks after that, turns out that he found out that he had gotten her pregnant during said weekend. That marked the end of our dating, although not the end of seeing each other almost daily. (Joy, right?) Because, instead of moving out on their own, he moved her in with him! Which, as you could imagine, was a bit of a slap in the face..
I, however, being a sweet girl then, tried being nice to her & befriended her.. although she annoyed the CRAP out of me.. They finally moved to North Carolina together at the tail end of the summer.
In Dec. of '99, I went & stayed the night at my 2nd sis's, Hannah's, place.. in the same town as Danny lived. Him and I snuck away to a barn on the edge of town, and had our second ever make out session.. I don't really feel the need for THAT many details, just the fact that he was a great kisser for a tenth grader is sufficient.
Moving on, I don't remember how I had met him and how we started dating.. but I had my second boyfriend during most of 11th grade..Jeremiah. He ended up dumping me when he met another chic in winter of '01. No, we never had sex.. and yes, she came up pregnant just a few months after we broke up. Hmm... the beginnings of a pattern, emerging?
After that, I didn't date again for the rest of high school. I graduated in '02, and started working at Wal-Mart in October of that year. Not more than a couple weeks after I started there, an unloader and I hit it off VERY well. Steve & I naturally took our breaks together, flirted back & forth, and discussed certain scenes of 8 Mile(which had just came out that year,) at length. I remember when he came up to me when I was looking at the schedule board, and uttered the only 'real' date invitation that I've ever gotten- "Um, yeah, I've never really done this before.. but I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner and a movie sometime soon?"
(Now, that I'm looking back on it, and know what kind of guy he is today.. I'm sure it wasn't the first time he ever did the date invitation...!) And if you were curious, I wore my long denim skirt, with canvas heels, and a hippie top. He made a wonderful spaghetti dinner, & we played Super Mario Brothers, where I kicked his ass!
We ended up dating for about, I wanna say four or five months..? Maybe six.. not much longer than that. Many a make-out session, hanging out & Nintendo-filled evening occurred. He ended up dumping me for the chick that worked in fabrics & crafts.. once again, I think it's because I wasn't to the point that I was ready to do anything more than make out & she was. She was also a drifter, a modern day hippie who eventually moved back to San Fransisco. She was the first chick that I found attractive in more than just a 'friend' way. But, I didn't really realize that at the time.
Now, flash your mind back to the past 'assets' of Wal-Mart.. do you remember when most of them had a eat-in little fast food thing called the Radio Grill? That's where I met my ex-fiance'. He wasn't the type that I usually went for... but maybe that's why I went for him. We would talk back and forth when I would get my food during my breaks, and chat online many times every week... (I just remembered something that I had forgotten until now. In the beginning, I was not interested in Jay like that AT ALL. It was his brother Josh that I was totally digging. Josh was cute, funny & unfortunately into another chick.) So, somehow, Jay and I ended up dating, engaged and I tried to break it off with him a year & a half later, in the summer of '05. Seriously, I don't know how it all progressed that far. He gave me a promise ring after a month & tried to give me an engagement ring after four months. I made him wait on that for awhile before finally accepting it. That was when I found out he wanted me to become a barefoot & constantly pregnant preacher's wife who wouldn't have a say in any of the decisions that would be made. And that was going to start with the wedding, when he wouldn't let me me choose red & white for the colors, because 'red wasn't a proper wedding color'. Instead, he choose yellow..
When I did try to end things with him, he really was having none of it.. He would sit on the hilltop behind my house, watching me come & go.. accusing me of seeing other guys, (which I wasn't,) and bug me incessantly at work.
I ended up back in touch with Steve that June-July, and we went camping with a large group of people at a organized festival that was in the area that August. That was an amazing weekend.. Jay tried to 'keep a hold of me' until September, when I finally decided to leave the state for a week to get away from everything and figure out how I was going to get rid of him. (I went & stayed with Steve in Nebraska..)Easier said than done, however. He followed us all the way over there, (a four & half hour drive,). Then he proceeded to drive all around Lincoln, NE looking for signs of me. When he couldn't find anything after seven hours, he drove back home. That's not all. He then proceeded to hack into my email account to get Steve's email address, then got into his email account to get his phone number, calling over and over...
Staying with Steve is when I met his best friend, Chad.. who was also with him on the camping trip. Steve ended up working almost EVERY day that I was there, even though he had originally had the entire week off. It worked out, however, because Chad and I spent almost every day together that week, morning to night, and some nights to mornings.. The following month, Steve ended up moving back to Iowa, and the month after that, Chad followed as well. We ended up dating for two years, and the only reason we separated was because he had to move back to Nebraska due to unforeseen circumstances.. we finally broke it off in the middle of the summer of '07.
In 2008, I started talking with a guy that worked in the dairy department, and we hung out more and more regularly on breaks and outside of work. Tall, dark, handsome, athletic.. a sight for sore eyes. We ended up having many an 'occasion' together.. I would've been quite content with that arrangement, considering that I was done having relationships for the time being.. except our desires of what came out of the physical aspect didn't match. He wanted a certain act regularly, and I wasn't for it. So, it kinda fizzled out slowly, as the days grew shorter and the leaves left the trees.
During that season's holiday card addressing, I felt the urge to look up an old friend and send him a card saying hi and hoping all was well. I had known Toby since I was very little, but had lost touch with him for a few years. The card did end up making it right to his mailbox, and we started hanging out and getting reaqcainted. We started dating Januray 6th of last year, and went until Christmas Eve, when everything came to a head. I'm not quite ready to go into it all yet, but beginning in the summer, things had started becoming turmoilous. On a side note, Danny came back into the picture a few times over the summer.. on the sly. Doesn't really make me look very good, does it..? :(
However, little did I know, that the new year was going to bring a LOT of changes, new experiences, and new, wonderful people into my life- including Dustin & Crystal..
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