Marriage, singlehood, what pushes you one way or another?

Okay.. Been thinking about this off and on, and thought I'd get my friend's input, since I have many from many different paths in life. Why do people get married anymore? You can do everything married as single, or in a dating relationship- have kids, co-own a house, have multiple partners (interesting trend in media's spotlight the last couple of years,), live together, so on and so forth. So, if you're married-why did you choose to make the plunge? If you're single- do you want to? Or are you perfectly content not being legally linked to another person? (If you don't want to be public with it, feel free to inbox me. Your secrets are safe with me :-)

Society's unreasonable norms & expectations..

I’m so confused by society’s norms, rules & expectations anymore.

There are so many things that dictate who you can love, where you can love, and how you can express your love and desire, affections and passion for another human being that it’s not even funny.

Really… Am I the only one that has a problem with this?

First of all, according to modern day American society, you are only allowed to marry one other person, even with great strides recently it is still really only accepted as a person of the opposite sex. If you are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, you are constantly on (high) alert for acts of unacceptance, jokes, snide comments, & on… & on… You are also subject to what is really unwarranted feelings and ideas that you need to live ‘within the norm’, and build your life accordingly because you worry about how your friends, family, neighbors would accept what you really want. For example:

A man being attracted to only other males, but his father has always put down and been verbally assaultive towards other members of society who express these desires & act on them- so he never ‘comes out of the closet’-- and thus, not to mention that feelings of self-hatred and depression would often be by-products, he is robbed of the happiness he deserves to find.
A woman discovers herself to be bisexual, but due to reactions of her immediate family to her aunt being a lesbian, never officially dates another woman--and never feels complete happiness & satisfaction in relationships.
A group of three people, two women & a man, discovering that they have immense attraction to each of the others, and connect so well on many of the levels that people look for, but do not pursue a relationship because of fear of how to announce such a arrangement to family, friends & society in general, and how it will be accepted or not-- are cheated out of a possible way to fulfillment and happiness that isn’t ‘allowed’.

Yes, I know, in several places, the laws are being changed to allow for same sex marriages, but if you really think about it, it’s far from REALLY being accepted. There are still stories routinely in the news about people being discriminated, beaten and even killed for pursuing what makes them happy, fulfilled and able to completely be themselves. Also, not in the news, but in everyday life… Everywhere you turn, if you listen close enough, you can hear discriminatory jokes, statements and attitudes that can breed unacceptance, contempt and hatred towards people of different orientations.

Who decided that the best way was a mom & dad, 2.2 kids, and a dog in suburbia America? Why not 2 men with an adopted child? Why not a woman in two separate public relationships-with one woman & one man? Why not a man in a relationship with a woman in a relationship with another woman? WHO SET THESE IDEALS??

And who dictated that that was the ONLY form of acceptable relationship? Who says that this is the only way for society to be successful and prosperous?

There are several different ‘types’ of relationships. What about those people who feel absolutely wonderful & happy in a relationship with not one, but two other people? Why is there such a stigma attached to this idea? So, there are three people very close to one another that share an incredible attraction and bond with one another… Why does the number matter?

Or, say for instance, a man who desires to have two wives? Why is this wrong? So, he goes home to two women & not one… What makes the difference to people outside the household?

Enough with the issue that you aren’t allowed by society to be with who you want to be with. What about showing that love in public? I’m not talking about the inability to go full fledged naked and have sex with your partner in the public’s eye… But the simple act of holding hands or giving a kiss, for instance. I’m 25, and still sometimes hear the kiddies remarks of ‘Go get a room’ or ‘Can’t you wait until you get home?’ when someone walks by with their partner… and heaven forbid, that partner is same sex! I can NOT believe the close-minded, disgusting remarks that I’ve heard co-workers make when that happens to occur!

I have a couple of co-workers that I greatly admire for doing what makes them happy, even though I know that it must be hard for them sometimes. When I met them, one worked in Stationary, and the other in candy. They apparently hit it off very well, for they started dating… which sounds like any other relationship, except that he is married. This revelation started the whole store buzzing, and snide comments were flying around like nothing else. Then, she learned she was expecting his child- which she actually just gave birth to the little one this last week- and they were ecstatic.

You know the best part? His wife knows all about her, and totally is cool with it. I personally admire them for going after what makes them happy & content… They know what other associates are saying about them, AND THEY COULD CARE LESS! They don’t bother trying to hide anything, I’ve seen them walking around the store hand in hand, I’ve seen the ‘naked’ love for each other on their faces, I’ve seen them kiss… it’s just positively inspiring to me.

Going back to my statement that I wasn’t talking about full-fledged intimacy with your lover in public… Maybe I DO mean to include that… What makes that wrong? Is there something so horribly wrong with seeing the human body in its true form? Why is sex so taboo? Maybe not going so far as too having sex up against a car in a parking lot… But what’s with the idea that even at home, the drapes must be pulled before engaging in activity? The body is a beautiful thing; the act is a part of nature… If you are a little shy or insecure about how you look, why might that be? Maybe a personal trait that you were born with, but couldn’t it also be a way that society is…? The messages that you hear from society is that sex is bad, (yet they use it to sell EVERYTHING,), you shouldn’t show too much skin or you’ll be slutty (yet, what do you see EVERYWHERE in advertising?), anyone would feel confused after receiving all the mixed messages in media!

This writing, (well, rant if you want to call it that,) all started with just a few thoughts that have been rattling around m head for a little while now-mostly subconsciously for awhile. For some reason they came up to the forefront of my mind a few days ago, and have been accumulating on one another until now. It all started with the one thought, “Why is it always assumed that if you do have a soul mate, that the number is always one?” Are you not allowed two..? Three..? People change over their lifespan, what if you grow away from the person you feel at one with..? Does that mean you’re screwed for the rest of your life?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to assume that you have multiple soul mates, if you believe in such a thing? One for each stage in your life? So that, if and when you ‘outgrew’ one, than you have another waiting sometime in the future?

And if that is the case, why couldn’t you have more than one soul mate, at the same point in your life?

What if you don’t believe in soul mates at all? What then? Are you doomed to wander the Earth alone for your time here? Do you just find one person after another that suits your fancy? What would make a person of this belief truly happy?

Another question… Does believing in soul mates mean that you believe in the existence of souls? And that opens the whole can of worms regarding god, religion and what happens after you die…

Fairytales should come with warning labels..

Seriously, dear reader, don't you think so?

When you're a little girl, you're constantly read stories like Cinderella & Snow White. Stories where the girl is kissed awake by a handsome, strong prince & they live happily ever after. Stories where the girl gets glass slippers, rides in a beautiful carriage wearing a gorgeous gown and she is loved & well taken care of by said prince, and lives happily ever after.

When you get a little older, you play pretend house, with a mommy & a daddy in a little house with flowers and a doll.. you have your pick of any boy on the playground, have a 'wedding' & happily ever after lasts until the bell rings.

No one ever tells you that it NEVER happens like that in real life. You have to fight over and over, kissing frog after frog.. and occasionally a good prince comes along. However, when they do happen along, one of two things happen: either the guy is way awesome but unchangeable things stand in the way or the prince is really a frog wearing a very handsome suit made out of burlap or shiny suit of armor made out of plated gold.

The latter is what has happened yet again for me. I thought, after hanging out with him so much, talking, and knowing him for so long that I had finally met the one, my prince, my knight in shining armor. Yeah, not so much..

The suit of armor is quickly losing it's luster, the chinks are already starting to show, and the ugly green is coming through.

Who am I talking about..? Why, Derek, of course! I think I must've jinxed it when I wrote my last long entry about my events on Sunday..already, the true colors are coming through. Here's just a FEW examples..

First, during a long conversation today, the topic of 'marking' with hickeys came up.. that he wanted to do it to me if that happened to come about. I said, "Absolutely not..". He got all pissy at me, and asked why. I said, "Because it's trashy & I don't want it done." He reared back from me and immediately accused me of already having someone else on the side & cheating - AND WE AREN'T EVEN DATING!!

Then, we were talking about my newly discovered sexual preferences.. and he made a totally serious comment, something to the effect of, 'Before, you were just Bi-curious.. now I have to deal with you actually bieng Bi?".

I just turned and stared at him.. I couldn't even formulate a response for a few minutes. All I could finally manage was, 'What??'.

He seriously replied, 'Not only do I have to worry about other guys, but I have to be in competition with chicks??' I responded that it is totally two different things, relationships between chicks & guys.. but he didn't seem to get that..

How do you respond to those sorts of attitudes?

Oy.

Note: a bit later, he apologized for letting his 'alpha male' side come out, & went into this whole educational spiel about the pioneers being protected by their men, and the natural instincts of civilized species.. etc, etc..

Yeah, not convinced.. Sayonara Derek!

"Pretty Lady"

Well, I guess one of the (major) things that I wanted to get out there & work through, discuss and explore is something that only four people currently know about me- Crystal, Dustin, Matt & Susan.

That is that I (consciously) discovered earlier this year that I am not 'straight', as society likes to label. I am, in fact, bi. I say consciously, because looking back at my past thoughts & behaviors, I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner. For one small example, for as long as I can remember, I've always pointed my boyfriend's (or various guy friends) attentions to pretty girls that would walk by & go into earnest discussions about whether one was 'hot', was pretty or had a great ass or whatnot..which tended to be well-recieved, as you could guess!

Or, in another example - although, I'm not quite for sure how to explain it.. If I felt a lady was attractive, and I felt some sort of unexplainable connection with her, I'd always refer to her as 'pretty lady' in passing without a second thought about it. Although, that hasn't happened very often. In fact that has only happened three times total that I can think of - and all pretty recently. Two of them I actually work with, Ashley & Danielle. The third being Crystal. (Maybe I'll go more into depth about things that I've learned with the help of her later on.. when I'm ready to & if the right time presents itself.)

The practice of using the 'pretty lady' endearment was a totally unconscious one to me until four-ish months ago. And I remember the day that it was brought to light. I was working behind my counter at work when Dustin walked by right after Danielle had walked away. He asked something to the effect of if there was any reason that I had called her 'pretty lady'- if there was any meaning behind it, or if it was just something I said. I don't remember how I responded, but I do remember realizing that it wasn't just empty talk.. I was attracted to her, I just hadn't put two & two together. I'll point out to you, dear reader, that at this time I hadn't realized that I wasn't anything but straight. It hadn't crossed my mind in the slightest. I later found out, that she is lesbian.. not that that is here nor there. For a few months afterward, I saw her as just 'Danielle', a pretty chic (with admittedly a nice bum), who was into women. Recently, as in the last week or two.. if I am to be honest- and if I am not being honest then why I am writing this?- I've been noticing her more and wanting to make an effort to talk to her more & build some sort of rapport more than just co-workers. However, I don't see anything else happening.

Moving on, and thinking more about the topic of society's labels of 'straight', 'bi', 'gay', etc... I think instead of these labels, we should all just realize something that I've believed for years. What a person looks like on the outside, (how they identify themselves, what 'equipement' they have,) shouldn't matter in the slightest. It should be the person's soul that identifies who they are, and we should love them for that & not their physical characteristics..